Sperminated

Part-time undies

2010-01-26T03:26:00.000-08:00

Toilet training is one of the shittier aspects of parenting, pardon the pun. I'm sure there are some kids who just totter off to the loo of their own accord, but for most of us there are a few days/weeks/months of mopping up "accidents" off our nice polished floors and washing endless pairs of undies.

We are trying to get Finn using the potty now as he seems ready for it and will need to be trained before he can move to the pre-school room at daycare. We tried once before, using the extreme '3 day potty training' method and it was a disaster.

A few weeks have passed and his daycare teacher encouraged us to try again. This time we are still using Pull-Ups at sleep times and when out but undies at home. Last time he refused to even sit on the potty so this time we encouraged him to stay there by reading stories. He can hold on to his wee for aaaaaaages (choice bladder son!) but won't do them sitting down unless we catch him in the act and put him there.

So, it was a huge surprise tonight when, in the midst of complete pre-bedtime chaos (replete with Dizzee Rascal blaring in the lounge room), Finn totted off to the potty without saying a word and did a poo. As per earlier bribery negotiations he will now receive a toy fire station in the morning. Result.

My baby grew hair overnight!

2010-01-26T03:24:00.000-08:00

What is this strange compulsion I have with putting wigs on babies?

Parenting and the art of non-relaxation

2010-01-23T04:54:00.000-08:00

You know what I'd like? To sit somewhere pleasant with a refreshing alcoholic beverage and chat uninterrupted with a friend for a few hours. I'm not asking for much. But alas, it's not possible right now.

Why? Because I stupidly chose to conceive number two before my first was even two, and now I'm breastfeeding around the clock (I don't breed good sleepers) while chasing a toddler here there and everywhere.

It would just be so nice to unburden myself of responsibility for a few hours. Because it's not the dirty nappies or the interrupted sleep or the nagging or other parenting banalities that I find exhausting, it's the constantly being alert and responsible that just drains the life out of me.

Just had to get that out there.

This little piggy...

2010-01-15T18:49:00.000-08:00

Because I am an inept parent, I started rewarding Finn with money a few months ago. If he's been particularly lovely he receives a few coins for his piggy bank after dinner. Financial rewards are not recommended by any parenting experts but at least this way, he can save up to buy little books and toys and will eventually begin to learn the value of money.

Until recently, he was using a ceramic piggy bank that was inexplicably adorned with the name
Caitlin. I don't know any Caitlins, yet somehow the little porcelain piggy found his way in to the Tupperware cupboard and was promptly smashed a few weeks ago when Finn over-zealously shook a few coins out and it tumbled to the floor.

Looking around for an inexpensive, non-breakable, pig-shaped money bank we finally found this lovely version by Tinlid toys. The Envirobank comes in six animal designs and is made out of plantation timber with recycled cardboard packaging. They retail for around $27 but I was only charged $16 at my local toy store.

We've also got the cute Click-Clack Police Car by TinLid and Finn is keen to collect the other vehicles in the set. I've bribed him with the Fire Engine.. but only if he uses the potty.

Yep, told you I was inept.

Solids. Already!

2009-12-29T05:01:00.000-08:00

The last few days Lucie has fed every.two.hours around the clock. My nipples were not happy. I was not happy. She's just past four months and trying to shove everything in her mouth, so we thought it might be time to try some solid food. The new recomendations seem to be to start at 4-6 months rather than 6 months + (will there ever be consensus in the health nurse field) and so today I picked up a packet of rice cereal and went for it.

She ate one spoonful, had a feed and has now slept for 4 hours. Result!

Christmas

2009-12-29T02:07:00.000-08:00

How was your Christmas?

Mine was pretty awesome, as Finn is old enough now to humour our tales of Santa and his reindeers. He left carrots out the night before, and The Nerd was ~~not too drunk~~ clever enough to remember to leave bites in them as evidence of Rudolph's visit.

The stocking full of Thomas trains was slowly ransacked, until the concept of many presents kicked in, at which point we had to put aside presents for the rellies less they be ripped apart.

We only had one major tantrum from him all day, and Lucinda was an absolute delight. Here are the little cherubs in Angelic pre-Christmas mode:

And Lucie using her new book as a pillow:

Now we have to somehow hold Finn over for 12 whole months until next time.

Adventures in MCN land

2009-12-29T01:55:00.000-08:00

The main thing preventing me from buying a 'stash' of modern cloth nappies is not fear of washing, but paralysis of decision making.

There are so many freaking brands out there! And everyone has a different position on AIOs versus bamboo fitted versus pre-fold hemp pockets etc.

Basically, I am lazy and want a nappy which is as similar to a disposable as possible. I have been given a few by friends and so far I think I like the Blueberry Minkee pocket diaper which is like a fluffy thing with velcro with a hole you can stuff with a booster to make it more absorbant. It dries quite fast because you can dry the booster separately.

I have a friend who might have some Itti Bitti nappies for sale so I'll try those, and I have my eye on some BabyBeehind Minkee Magicalls on eBay. Honestly, keeping up with the nappy news is a part-time occupation.

Until then I'm using Baby Beehind bamboo cloth nappies with a Motherease cover, and they are not much fun at all. They seem to soak through instantly. I don't see the advantage over old-fashioned terry towelling, except you don't have to fold them.

I will have this baby in MCNs before she is due to be toilet trained, yes siree.

If I lived in Finland

2009-12-11T02:10:00.000-08:00

If I was pregnant and living in Finland, I'd be under midwife-led care by default. I'd have my choice of birthing hospitals, be given a private family room for post-natal care and be followed up by my own midwife once home.

My cupboard would be stocked with this cute, State-supplied maternity pack of baby necessities.

Unless of course I chose to receive a cash payment so I could choose my own.

After the baby was born I'd be eligible for 105 days of maternity leave at 80% of my salary, followed by a share of 158 days with the baby's father. I'd be eligible for three years of unpaid maternity leave.

Spitting chips yet? But wait, there's more.

If my children became unwell and needed to see a doctor, they would be seen on the same day in the emergency medical clinic of their local health centre or at the city’s emergency clinic for children. All services provided by child welfare clinics, dental clinics and health centres are free for children.

If one of the children was sick enough to stay home from daycare, myself or my husband would have the right by law to stay home and care for the sick child. Or, if I and my employer agreed, I could work and they would pay for a carer to stay with the child.

If I had a nanny or cleaner, I could offset their wages as against my tax.

All of these family policies have led to Finland having one of the lowest infant mortality rates in the world (7 to our 17), and mothers a significantly higher workforce participation rate.

I can't see it working in Australia though. Imagine the outcry if the baby bonus was traded for a few packets of Bonds Wondersuits and a Mem Fox book! The sales of LCD TVs would plummet, for starters.

What family-friendly policies would you like to see the Australian government introduce?

Let's give this another go, shall we?

2009-12-10T03:46:00.000-08:00

Well, what a difference a year makes!

Since my last entry I've had another baby, a little girl called Lucinda (Lucie) born in August. Birth story is here.

I've edited a parenting site, moved house and started freelancing again.

After deliberating for a little while I've decided I need a blogging outlet again so I can write in longform and not Tweets. I have some tips I'd like to share with other parents and love to have a whinge now and then too.

So, here we go!

Auf wiedersehen

2008-08-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

There's a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too,
And up in the nurs'ry an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say "coocoo".

Regretfully they tell us,
But firmly they compel us
To say goodbye to you.

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, good night,
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, adieu,
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.

Thanks for all your support during pregnancy and beyond. I can now be found over at babblebaby.com.au where I'm editing a shmick new site for parents. Check it out and stay in touch - my email is thestylepolice @ gmail.com

xx

Toddler tantrums

2008-07-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Fun aren't they? Discuss.

Rock out with your dummy out

2008-07-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

By 11.15 yesterday morning, I'd already queued up outside the Enmore, watched a rocking gig and was on my way to lunch.

Yes, it was Finn's first concert: Justine Clark from Play School touring in support her new album Songs to Make You Smile.
Picture 2000 toddlers dressed in their funky finest and another 1000 parents fuelled up on coffee and fear. We expected chaos, but amazingly, it all ran brilliantly. Finn and his friend Charlie looked absolutely stunned for the first couple of numbers, amazed by the live musicians and flashing lights. As they began to recognise the old favourite songs from I Like to Sing the kids perked up and a mini-mosh formed down the front of the stage.

Justine was very good at engaging the audience and encouraging sing-along (which I think the parents enjoyed more than the kids). Soon enough though, parents, including us, started pulling out the zip-lock bags full of snacks to keep the feral mob in their seats for another few minutes. A 45 minute gig is plenty for a busy toddler.

Soon it was time for one last rousing rendition of 'I Like to Sing', replete with stomps and claps, before it was time to head off to terrorise the pigeons and stallholders at The Entertainment Quarter. Boy did he sleep well last night.

Here he is at the "after party" @ the Bavarian Beer Cafe, eating all of mummy's mussels and fries, wearing his new gigging shirt. I had a weak moment in Country Road Kids.

To 'burb or not to 'burb?

2008-06-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

We are thinking of moving to the suburbs.

For a girl like me, who grew up in the inner city, this is like joining Amway, or voting for the shooter's party. It's just not cricket.

The problem is, we have a very active child on our hands, one who is going increasingly stir-crazy in a 2 bedroom flat. Yes, we can schlep down to the park, but that means getting out of pyjamas, packing a spare nappy, water and snacks - it requires the forethought one doesn't often possess at 8am on a Sunday morning.

The Nerd and I were both kids whose idea of a great day out was being left at the library all day. When I take Finn to the library, he grabs books off the shelves and then runs shrieking to the garden outside. My attempts to instill a love of learning and respect for community facilities leads to embarrassed shushing and apologies to the library staff.

So it looks like we will need a yard. A large yard with enough room to kick a ball, install a sandpit and maybe a fort. And to own a big yard in Sydney we are going to have to move out of inner-city hipsterville, away from my beloved harbour, and to a suburb which will likely only have one decent coffee shop.

We'll get somewhere on the train line, so commuting shouldn't be a problem, and on the plus side, we'll have space to entertain and room for guests to stay. I have nice visions of working from home out on a sunny deck while Finn happily plays in the garden. On the weekend we'll plant vegetables. Finn will have his own gardening kit and we'll shriek with joy when we pull up our first baby carrot. The fact that I have never even kept a pot plant alive does not deter me from this wholesome, suburban fantasy.

If anyone has done the move, let me know how things changed and most importantly, if you'd do it again.

Zen and the art of mothering

2008-06-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm no Buddhist. If anything, I'm the anti-Buddha. I'm impulsive, eat meat, drink readily and crave material objects. I find it practically impossible to clear my mind of thoughts, or to do only one thing at once.

Yet here I am reading Buddhism for Mothers. Several women I greatly respect said that they had found it very useful and not at all New-Agey (not that there is anything wrong with that); so here I am breathing slowly and deeply and trying not to freak out at the Play-Doh rubbed in to the carpet.

Really, it's Buddhism for dummies. The author, Sarah Napthali, introduces us to the Four Noble Truths, starting with the well-known, "all life is suffering". Anyone who has given birth can attest to that one!

Rather than following one-school of the religion, Napthali has picked and chosen lessons which particularly relate to mothering, so it's not really a primer for wannabe devotees. I'm not quite sure why she has excluded fathers from the picture, it is kind of assumed that the reader is a stay-at-home mother.

According to the back cover, by reading this book I learn how to be a calmer, more tolerant and joyful mother. I shall keep reading and let you know the outcome.

Overheard today in an Eastern Suburbs park...

2008-05-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

Mother 1: "I just spent $800 on an Eiffel tower cake for my daughter's first birthday."
Mother 2: "...!"
Mother 1: "Well her name is Paris, what was I supposed to do?"

Shaken or stirred?

2008-04-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

As of today, Finn is one step closer to mixing me a gin and tonic. I asked him to bring me a book to read and sure enough he went over to the bookshelf, selected one and brought it back.

I suddenly realised that even though he can only say a couple of words he understands so much. Shoes, socks, breakfast, bath - all evoke a physical response. He's a little sponge for information.

So today - fetching book. Next week - attempting to hold a spoon. Four years? Pour 30ml of vodka into a glass and add tonic and a slice of lime.

Don't worry. I'll pre-cut the lime wedges.

Happy Birthday Finn

2008-04-03T02:45:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we celebrated Finn's first birthday. 12 months! Where did that go? My tiny chubby-cheeked newborn is now a giant chubby-cheeked toddler - with the tantrums to match!
I must say that I do love this age. Yes the mess is hard work but they are so much fun and develop so many new skills all day.

Finn can walk, run, kick a ball, fetch a book and climb stairs. We are still struggling using a spoon. he's definitely all about the gross motor! He talks a lot in his own language and occasionally slips out something that sounds like daddy or banana.

We had a little birthday party in a local hall with an outdoor play area and castle which was a big hit with the kids. I cleverly decided to get it catered which saved a lot of stress on the day.

Here are some pics!

Climbing up the slide...

My little wizard...

Taking his new wheels for a spin

Parenting tip #3498

2008-02-01T02:09:00.000-08:00

Baby won't eat his dinner? Smother it in tzaziki. Result.

Separation anxiety

2008-01-30T03:53:00.000-08:00

I started writing this post a few times but I was too emotional.

Three weeks ago Finn started childcare. For two days a week he attends a lovely, not-for-profit centre I miraculously stumbled across.

The first two weeks were, quite simply, gut wrenching.

I didn't think it would be so hard - we visited a few times and he loved the play areas and watching the big kids. Day 1 arrived and he seemed to sense my anxiety. I dropped him off into a carer's arms and the bawling started. That sent me off, and I had to go and hide amongst the doll houses and weep. The centre director came over for a chat to reassure me and I left with tears streaming down my face. Of course I called them mid-morning and he was still very unsettled. I picked him up at lunchtime and he clung to me like a (fat) little limpet, all afternoon. I felt absolutely dreadful.

2nd was much easier. He didn't cry at drop-off and when I called (3 times!) he was sleeping or playing. We had smiles at pick-up. But he still cried during the day. The carers had to take turns holding him or he'd sob.

Days 3 and 4 were also tough going. I just couldn't concentrate at work knowing that he was unhappy. His sleeping got worse as well. He seemed to need reassurance that we weren't going to leave him. One night I think he woke up every hour.

Finally around day 6 I arrived to pick him up at just crouched behind a book case to watch him. he was smiling and crawling around, exploring the room. I went and stood in front of him and instead of crawling at lightening speed towards me like usual he just laughed. I checked the daily log book and he'd had a 1.5 hour nap, which he doesn't even do for me! The room leader said he'd had a wonderful day.

I'm really glad I've got a mix of family care and centre care. He has so much space to explore at the centre and great toys to play with. He loves watching the older kids and is already starting to mimic them - drawing with crayons etc. Of course some fucksticks like to comment that he is way to young for care but really. I live in Sydney. I have a mortgage. Fuck off.

So for any of you about to make the step into childcare - it does get easier with time. For both of you.

Possessed by the sleep fairy

2008-01-14T15:13:00.000-08:00

I can't think of any other explanation for it. Since birth Finn has rarely napped for more than 30 mins at a time and not slept for much more than 4 hours straight.

Yesterday he had 2 x 1.5 hour naps AND went to bed peacefully, waking a couple of times before midnight and then slept until 7am! He was in the loveliest mood all day as he was actually well rested.

This morning he had a 1 hr nap.
The Nerd and I are practically jumping off the walls with energy. It feels so good to have 7 hours straight sleep. We even had dreams!

We did kick him out of our bed a few nights ago as he was just rolling around all night then waking up at 3am and wanting to play. Maybe having a stricter routine helped. Or maybe the self-settling synapse in his brain finally switched on.

Who knows. I love the sleep fairy.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T04:49:00.001-08:00

Happy first Christmas to Finn, Jack, Pip and all the other babies born this year. I hope Santa brings you a few presents, but we all know you'll be happiest with the wrapping paper.

Feeding the beast

2007-12-14T02:02:00.000-08:00

Finn is on solids and fingerfood now and eating us out of house and home. I know how tiring it gets thinking of new food ideas, so I've pasted some of our more successful recipes below.

Two books that I've found useful are Baby Love by Robin Barker (as always) and Annabel Karmel's New Complete Baby and Toddler Meal Planner.

Some great sites are:
http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/
http://babymush.blogspot.com/

Homemade rusks

Apple and cinnamon puree (7 months + )

Six apples - peeled, cored and cut into large chunks
One cinnamon stick
1/4 cup water

Simmer with lid on until apples are cooked, then remove cinnamon and puree. Serve with yoghurt and/or baby porridge. Freeze in ice cube tray and then store in freezer bag or tupperware container.

Spiced pear puree (7 months +)

As above but add a cardamon pod while simmering

Steamed chicken and leek (8 months +)

One chicken breast
1/2 leek
1/4 low-salt Massel chicken stock cube

Place chicken and leek in steamer over saucepan filled with water and stock cube and steam until chicken is cooked through. Pour out most water until approx. 1/4 cup is left. Add chicken and leek and puree. I freeze this in an ice cube tray and then add 1-2 cubes to pureed veges.

Lentil hotpot (8-9 months)

http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/3479/lentil+vegetable+cottage+pie+vegetarian

I ommitted the eggs and used low-salt stock

More to come!

Centre of hell

2007-11-27T19:28:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we went to a play centre. Consider it a two level version of hell. Down the bottom are huge long rows of tables, for if you are ever so unfortunate as to be invited to a party there.

Up stairs is where the fun really starts. Jumping castles, obstacle courses, ball pits - the kind of place you could lose a toddler and never find them again.

It costs adults $5 to enter this place. Babies under 12 months are free, but they don't tell you that there is nothing for babies to do. A friend and I tried to secure a small area of mats and balls but were soon trampled on by some feral 3 year-olds clutching packets of chicken chips and going berko on Fanta.

For your $5 you get a drink token, which allows you to purchase the world's worst cappuccino, made my some sweaty guy who looks a little too creepy to hang around children.

Meanwhile, the Eastern suburbs mum's brigade sit around flicking through old copies of Harper's and wiping tomato sauce off their Gucci nappy bags (seriously) while little Rupert and Aphrica are tearing the place apart.

So yeah, not sure we'll be back there in a hurry. Once kids are 1 they cost $9, which makes for a rather expensive diversion.

I've also been trying out a few local playgroups. It's a good way to get out of the house and I think the interaction with other kids is good for Finn - even if it consists of crawling over each other and tearing toys out of each other's mouths. Of course I had to get myself into an argument about public education last time I went, I really think I am hanging out in the wrong suburbs!

In other news Finn is very settled now his teeth are through and he's able to get around by crawling/climbing/cruising. He's so happy he just laughed until he vomited, all over the Nerd. He he.

Snippets from an infrequent blogger...

2007-11-13T03:35:00.000-08:00

****

Finn has teeth! Two in fact. They are just pushing throught the gums but the cheeky boy won't let me have a good look at them.

****

We have forward crawling! He is developing so fast it's scary. From just sitting up two months ago to bum shuffling, then crawling backwards and pulling himself up to sitting. Now he's trying to pull himself up to stand. It's non-stop action!

***

I have been offered a 3 day a week job next year and I think I MAY have found childcare. It's been a serious stress for months and months. I'm going to check the place out tomorrow, it's in between The Nerd's and my workplaces so we can both visit during lunchtime, it's non-profit and hopefully affordable.

***

Teeth and a cold mean Finn is still a poor sleeper day and night. I am just dealing with it as best I can, taking each day as it comes. I have given up trying to get a Tresillian referral, my GP is hopeless. Importantly, we are coping.

***

This is my new favourite photo:

***
My best friend is due to give birth in two weeks and I am beside myself with excitement.

Pity party

2007-10-29T04:01:00.000-07:00

I know I've been really slack on the blogging front lately. The truth is I am just not really enjoying motherhood all that much at the moment. The sleep deprivation is relentless, and the days are long and stressful. I probably have taken on too much work (2 days from home and 1 in the office) but I still cant find a child care place, so I'm stuck. I LOVE the day in the office which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

I'm starting to think mothers are implanted with a special guilt chip during the birth of their first child. I feel guilty that he is sleeping so poorly, guilty that he weaned at 6 months and guilty that I enjoy my day in the office. In fact I'm feeling like I suck at this whole parenting gig.

My GP is supposedly getting me a referral to Tresillian which may help but the waiting list is at least 6 weeks long. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do in the meantime, not operate heavy vehicles I suppose.

All of those issues aside I do love my little boy to pieces. I just feel like I'm missing the key to keeping him settled. Or maybe he just has a very restless personality. Was it that glass of champagne I drank in week 28?

He had his 6 month check-up a couple of weeks ago and he is of course perfect and fine in every way. He's back above the 50th percentile for weight and just below for height (little pudding).

He's also started doing swimming lessons with The Nerd which are silly but fun. He has them at the Jewish social club in Bondi which is funny as we aren't Jewish. They make everyone in the pool wear caps. Is there anything cuter than a baby in a swimming cap?

Thought not.

Sleep is for the weak

2007-10-08T05:22:00.000-07:00

This whole sleep caper is completely out of hand. As of about four weeks ago Finn is now waking anywhere up to 8 times a night. And he is bright-eyed, bushy tailed ready to start the day at 5.30am. We can't go on like this. He goes down to sleep brilliantly, it's the staying asleep which we're struggling with. So, I've ordered this DVD and am going to try to get a referral to sleep school.

And before anyone mentions it.. even if we wanted to do controlled crying or cry-it-out we can't as we live in an apartment. I wonder if it's at all related that my tyre was let down the other night? It's not something I'm prepared to try until 12 months.

So tired.

Organic mama

2007-09-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

Since Finn started real food, I'm been trying to be a super-organized Earth mama, shopping at my local Macro Wholefoods for organic fruit and veges then boiling and pureeing and freezing in ice trays. At this stage it's a novelty for both of us but I'm sure it won't be long until I'm cutting corners with Heinz. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I figure as long as I'm not feeding him Maccas chips dipped into my sundae then I'm doing just fine.

All this food is also making him constipated, so I've been making my own prune juice to give him once a day - it really does work.

Six months is such an amazing stage of development. He learned how to sit on his own in less than a week. He's such a little boy, I miss my baby and I'm already clucky... aaagh! It's only the sleep deprivation stopping me from trying again soon. From being a good nighttime sleeper Finn is now waking anywhere up to 8 times after bed time. I'm hanging out until daylight savings as today it was light before 5am and he was clamouring for attention. Next time I'd like a little sloth baby please.

(Yes, he is wearing mini cowboy boots.)

Even famous people get cankles

2007-09-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

A very pregnant Isla Fisher checks her email in LA.

A whole new world of mess

2007-09-18T05:07:00.001-07:00

Finn turned six months last week and we celebrated with a party hat and some pear puree. I think I'm pretty much the only mum I know who waited until now to introduce solids. It's just so exciting to get into that next phase of babyhood. Spoon feeding is not all it's cracked up to be though. He hasn't started magically sleeping through the night nor has he fallen into a day schedule. He'd rather play with the spoon than eat food off it so we have mushy pear all over the table and floor.

In other news we've been gradually weaning as the bottle feeds have increased and Mr Chuckleguts has been refusing le lait de la mere. I figure there is no point forcing him on the breast just to assuage my own guilt. Yes, he may be missing out on the benefits of breast milk but I can finally shop for some sexy bras and The Nerd can do some of the early morning feeds. Hurrah!

Despite this idiotic article, most women do think very deeply about how they choose to feed their child, and wearing "sheer blouses" does not generally come into it.

Finn is developing so fast at the moment it's scary. Every day he seems to understand the world that much more. It really is much more rewarding than those fragile early days. I'm not fussed for him to start crawling though, the house is not baby proofed in the slightest.

I'm still only working two days a week from home as there is no. childcare. in Sydney. While I'd kill for a child-free day and an uninterrupted latte I'm also enjoying the coffee circuit. Yesterday was a picnic in the park, today was morning tea at A's house. I can't really complain, not even with the 4am wake ups. Life is rather grand.

Fathers Day

2007-09-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

I don't think I really knew how intense it was going to be having a baby. I was so focused on him simply coming out healthy that I wasn't prepared for him to be so beautiful and wonderful!

The first few days were very strange, which I guess is to be expected. It reminded me of the feeling you get when you meet someone and you fall in love with them and can’t wait to see them when you’re apart, which I guess is what was actually happening at the time anyway. I hated being sent home from the hospital to an empty home, I just wanted to be close to my wife and child. It was a little difficult at first when he was a tiny newborn and unable to recognise us. Once he started to smile when I walked in the room it made it all worthwhile. I love walking in the door after a hard day at work to be greeted by his beautiful beaming smile!

There have been some difficult times, like the late night rocking him in my arms to get him to sleep (with my bad back killing me). Or the (thankfully rare) times when he's screamed inconsolably at the top of his lungs. But even at those times I am primarily concerned for him and his well-being. I want nothing more than for him to be happy and healthy, and to have a happy and healthy family. The intensity of emotions following his birth have tempered somewhat, but there is a wonderful glow of love burning inside me always for the beautiful boy that is Finn.

5 months old

2007-08-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Finn was five months old last week.

I can't believe how quickly it has gone. In fact, I'm only just starting to feel like I'm back to my old self.

He's a total delight. His interests include (but are not limted to):

- Playing with his feet - grabbing them , picking his toys up with them, kicking objects/his parents
- Squealing - sometimes in delight, sometimes when he wants something
- Jumping in his baby spaceship bouncy thing
- Activating anything with an annoying music tone
- Pulling his dummy out, playing with it, throwing it
- Rolling, but never on cue
- Being sung to. A variety of Raffi, rock n' roll and ad jingles is our repetoire.
- Looking in the mirror. Hi alterna-Finn!

He's still a skinny mini at 6.6kg. I've basically accepted than my breasts just aren't cutting it so I'm upping the formula and beginning the depressing process of weaning. At least he'll be on solids in a few weeks. By god he loves the bottle. He grabs it in both hands and guzzles madly. we get stopped when out in public by people amazed and his dexterity and control when feeding himself. Funny kid.

You know you're a parent when...

2007-08-24T16:03:00.000-07:00

- It's 9am on a Saturday and you've already fed a baby, had a shower, eaten breakfast and done a weekly menu plan

- You ring up your partner to discuss bowel movements

- When vomited on you simply shrug and make a half-hearted attempt to wipe it off, before resuming whatever you were doing

- You start planning at 10am for a 2pm departure

- You wash your hair while peeking out from behind teh shower curtain and singing Baa Baa Black Sheep

- Peak hour traffic is nothing compared to The Witching Hour

Anything else?

The Mummy Wars

2007-08-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

Clever Newsweek article reproduced in The Bulletin.

The mommy wars are killing me. Raise your children however you'd like. Just please - please - stop telling me about it. Do whatever you want: stay at home with your kids, wear gym clothes all day and make your own organic baby food. Work 60 hours a week, fire your babysitter every six months and communicate with your children via BlackBerry. Declare your toddler carbon neutral or get your hair highlighted while you're in labor. Breast-feed your kid till he's 17! I'm a single working mother, and should be interested in all this, but I'm not.

http://bulletin.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=285320

Baby fashion

2007-08-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

This post is by Patchouligirl.

My husband and I aren't very fashion conscious people. He once explained to me that smart casual was something with a patch, formal was when it had a patch of the same colour. Most days you find us in paint stained king gees or trakky daks.

So the issue of baby fashion has left us somewhat confused. We have been given so many new and second hand clothes by well wishers I haven't bought Jack any clothes except for a handful of white wondersuits to get started. For the first 4 months I basically dressed him in wondersuits all the time, relegating all the other pieces to another drawer that I never looked at. I would try to dress him in all the jumpers and things people gave us at least once and take a picture for them. Still, when all the babies in my MG were dressed in denim and ribbons, I'd rock up with Jack in a linty wondersuit. I'm going to try to make more of an effort from now on, I found a nice pair of overalls and paired them with a t-shirt today.

There seems to be three 'styles' of baby clothes, the old fashioned 1930's bonnet etc look, the modern trendy stuff and the just plain wierd. Here are some pics - one of the 'pumkin' and '3 sheep' suits which are headed for a salvation army store somewhere. Theres one of Jack in his 'morning suit' that a kind hearted half blind mother of one of my colleagues knitted, and one of him in my fav overall look. The pumpkin suit is a real horror.

The baby whisperer

2007-07-31T05:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I engaged the services of a miracle-worker/lactation consultant known as Moira. I was at the end of my tether, hating breastfeeding and frustrated at Finn's slow weight gain; and exhausted at the lack of day sleeps he was having, and the effort required to get him to sleep at all.

She arrived like a friendly aunt, all hugs and smiles. Within a few minutes she had finally diagnosed the feeding issue: Finn doesn't have a proper suck reflex. She was quite dismayed this hadn't been picked up at birth, or at least some time in the last four months as he gradually crossed three weight band percentiles and refused to latch on without nipple shields. Basically he can't draw the nipple far enough into his mouth to enable a decent flow. I KNEW it wasn't my supply, despite the amount of people who told me too boil fernugreek seeds, drink full-fat milk or express after every feed (like that's practical).

There are exercises that can help with the sucking reflex but he's probably too old to learn. She also encouraged me to cut down feed times to 10 minutes a side, he was staying on there for half an hour sometimes which was driving me nuts, but it was just comfort sucking apparently. I have my boobs back!

Next we moved on to sleep and settling. First she showed me some soothing infant massage techniques, which are fun to do on the change table. Then we wrapped him up nice and snug in a large muslin cloth and tried to leave in the cot, which resulted, as expected, hysteria. In the end we had to rock him to sleep as usual but it gave me the confidence to keep trying to put him down awake and today, one week later, he put himself to sleep for every nap. I have to go in a few times and wind-up the mobile and put the dummy in, but within ten minutes or so he's asleep. And my back isn't aching!

Next baby I have I am so putting them down to sleep awake from the start. It gets harder to implement the older they get and I refuse to let him cry for more than two minutes.

All up the session cost about $300 for 3.5 hours of one-on-one help. Just the compliments on perservering with breastfeeding despite all the troubles I've had were worth it. That he is putting himself to sleep within a week of trialling a new routine is a miracle.

I'm a new woman.

Now, if we could do something about that 3am feed...

Motherhood, the musical!

2007-07-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago I had the most bizarre dream. I was back at uni and majoring in English. For one of our assignments we had to write a musical. I'd left it to the last minute and couldn't think of a subject. Finally it hit me - motherhood! Something I have experience in.

A key musical piece was Faithless's Insomnia, which features the line, 'I can't get no sleep".

Ha. Ha.

I survived the Target toy sale

2007-07-20T06:53:00.001-07:00

Did you?

The breastfeeding police

2007-07-20T06:23:00.001-07:00

Two weeks ago, I took Finn to see the GP about his weight. Despite my mother and a few others telling me he looked fine my instincts told me otherwise. Sure enough, he's been maintaining such low growth that he's crossed three percentile bands on the weight charts.

As I was still keen to pursue breastfeeding and I didn't seem to have any supply issues she ordered some tests and recommended I give him two top-up bottles of formula a day, which I was completely comfortable with.

But fuck me do people love to comment when you're feeding your child out of a bottle. You'd think I was feeding him Ratsack! From the bitchy - "of course he prefers the bottle, it's so much less work for him", to the condescending - "it's such a shame you've had to start complementing already."

And then I'm forced into a whole explanation of why, and trying to explain that I am still breastfeeding too which inevitably leads to remarks of, "but he doesn't look small to me" by clueless idiots. Why do they care so much about how I feed my child? Don't they have another hobby?

The good news is he's gained 450 grams in two weeks since we saw the doctor, and his chart line is looking much more positive, although the formula is making him fart like a constipated hippopotamus. So screw the breastfeeding police. I refuse to be made to feel guilty for treating my baby like an individual rather than a cause. Of course I intended to exclusively breastfeed for six months, but there's no point beating myself up because it didn't quite work out that way. The advice from the lactivist crew (express, express, express) didn't work for us as I think the issues are with his sucking and not my milk.

On that note I've spent all week trying to get hold of a lactation consultant/Mothercraft nurse to help with some kind of schedule for complement feeding, and have finally secured the services of lovely Moira who will be visiting on Monday. Thank you Allison!

Finally here are the latest shots of little dumpling-head.

Looking far more chubby than last time:

(and in head-to-toe Pumpkin Patch, how suburban of me).

Playing with his favourite toy:

And showing off his big blue eyes:

Yep, we're still alive

2007-06-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Good golly, it's been a while. Working from home has been slightly more challenging than expected as Finn is only napping about 30 mins at a time during the day, so I have to do most of my work once The Nerd gets home.

Finn has a bad cold at the moment too which means lots more feeding, hiring a humidifier, baby Panadol and lots of cuddles. Fingers cross he gets better before our plane trip next week - we're taking him to meet good friends in Cairns.

Babyblogging

2007-06-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Patchouligirl and I met up for the first time, at Centennial Park (think of it as Grand Central Station for the pram set). She is just as lovely in person as online.

Here are our boys just chillin' - Jack on the left, Finn on the right.

We took them to see the ducks. I'm not sure if they noticed.

It's funny, I posted the other week about losing half my old friends after the baby came along. But curiously, I've had a very social couple of weeks. Although Sydneysiders are notoriously difficult to get to know, having a baby in tow makes it acceptable to strike up conversations with complete strangers, then drink lattes with them all afternoon. It's another thing nobody tells you about.

Introducing... Pip William

2007-05-29T01:16:00.000-07:00

Bevo's little baby boy was born last week, weighing a healthy 4kg and with a head circ. of 37cm. Mum, dad and baby all doing great.

And that's us TSSH girls all popped, I believe.

Random updates

2007-05-27T23:24:00.001-07:00

We had a surprise guest visit Mother's Group today - Robin Barker, writer of my bible, Baby Love. She was wonderful and no-nonsense and gave us all practical advice. I asked her about poo, specifically - how much is too much? It seems we are in the spectrum of normal which is good. Everything Finn eats seems to go right through him and he's low on the weight charts but IS gaining, which is all that matters apparently.

********

We're about 60% weaned off the nipple shields but I don't think my attachment is right (it hurts). Do you think I can find anyone to help out? Trying to get into the RHW breastfeeding clinic but I am not deemed urgent enough.

********
Finn seemed to go through a growth spurt last week - feeding like crazy and unsettled as hell. It seems he did stack on the weight and also seems to have advanced his motor skills remarkably. He can now clasp AND unclasp his hands ... and reach for objects, and hold his head upright without too much wobbling. I now understand the meaning of the term 'baby steps'.

********

Went to my birth class reunion on Saturday. It was a dreary affair conducted in a hospital foyer with a table of meagre pot luck offerings. It was good to see a couple of the mums however, and I'm going to try to meet up with them tomorrow.

********

I start work this Friday. Sleep is still a major issue in this household so I can expect to be more tired than ever. On the other hand, it might be nice to have some mental stimulation and extra cash. We have moved Finn into his own room which means the Nerd is getting a better sleep but I'm up and down all night. Generally Finn only has one overnight feed but he will wake up and grumble a couple of times and need re-settling. If only I could invent a robotic arm to pat, pat pat and stick the dummy back in. Of course he sleeps like an angel during the day. Get it together, kid!

Nelly no-mates

2007-05-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Another thing that nobody tells you before you have kids is that you lose all your friends. If I had a dollar for every person whose said "I've gotta see the baby!" then hasn't been bothered to actually get on a bus and do so, I'd be eating caviar for breakfast.

You know, they don't even have to visit. A phone call would be nice, or fuck it ... an email.

I still manage to get out and visit people when I can, I remember birthdays, I send cards and presents. Yet my own family expects me to bundle the baby and assorted paraphenalia in the car and go and visit them every week. There's plenty of room in my loungeroom and tea and coffee in the cupboard.

My other friends with kids are either on the other side of the city or pre-occupied with their new Mothers Group friends.

So what do I do? Talk to my online buddies. Go to the library. Harrass the Nerd. Wander aimlessly around Westfield, striking up conversations with shop assistants.

It's life, but not as I knew it.

Mums and Bubs movie sessions: a cynical attempt to sell tickets to movie stinkers

2007-05-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Hoyts cinemas. I just paid $9 (plus $8 for coke and popcorn) to watch the execrable Georgia Rule while listening to children scream.

I think this reviewer said it best of all:

"Georgia Rule" is a bad idea dreadfully executed -- "On Golden Pond " with fellatio jokes and whimsical incest melodrama ...

It takes real time and effort to trivialize incest. "Georgia Rule" does it in just 113 minutes."

Jack @ 6 weeks

2007-05-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pics of Patchouligirl's gorgeous son Jack.

My own camera is away for repairs. Looks like three weeks of Finn's life will have to go undocumented. OMG!

Happy Mothers Day to me

2007-05-12T03:29:00.000-07:00

What do you get the woman who has everything for her 1st Mother's Day? A brand, spanking new laptop, that's what! Yes, I'm completely spoiled. However, I need the new laptop because last week I negotiated a perfect, two-day-a-week, work from home position with my old company and I'll be starting next month. To my amazement, they actually rejected my rate as too low and will pay me $10 an hour more. And I get to work in my pyjamas. Love it.

The real reason I got the laptop is because The Nerd wants to convert the desktop PC to a home media centre and he is sick of me stealing his laptop to fart around on forums all evening. But whatever, I'm not complaining. He can salary sacrifice it pre-tax so it works out at only $500 or something, it's crazy how cheap computers are these days.

Working around the baby will be interesting, I also bought a Bubba-Moe sling off eBay last week so I can potentially feed/settle him while working. I guess I'll just have to start early in the morning and take advantage of his two big day naps. I'd love to hear any suggestions from other work-at-home parents. The housework will fall well and truly by the wayside now. Fuck it.

In other news, we're just recovering from Finn's big growth spurt and 8 week vaccination which has meant a couple of unsettled, feed-a-thon weeks. I'm glad he's had a growth spurt because his weight was looking low on the health charts and I was concerned my milk supply was low. I'll weigh him on Monday but he is looking much chubbier. He is still waking 1-2 times a night but I've decided to be Zen about it and just accept that sleep deprivation is a way of life, for now. If I can't get up and feed my baby when he cries during the night, then I'm a crap mother. End of story. It's only such a short period of life that he will be this dependant on me and it's nothing in the big scheme of things.

Oh goodness, I'm so excited to be typing on my own 'pooter I've written an essay. Happy Mother's Day to all of you, I hope you get breakfast in bed and lots of kisses, you deserve it.

Ska baby

2007-05-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Most of Finn's baby hair has fallen out, leaving a mini mullet at the back. Rock on.

Coughs and misconceptions

2007-04-30T05:28:00.000-07:00

Finn and I are sick.

We spent a cold day outside on Saturday and that evening he was all snuffly and unsettled and vomited non-stop for 2 hours. I came down with a sore throat and it's all been one giant snot-fest since then. I think we are on the mend but it's been an exhausting couple of days. Feeding at 5am when you're completely buggered yourself is just not something I'd romantically envisaged when pregnant.

So on the subject of misconceptions, I've just been reading the Naomi Wolf book by that title. I'm finding myself needing to read more substantial material these days to combat serious brain atrophy. I wonder how many brain cells die each time I change a nappy or watch Dr Phil? Subtitled Truth, Lies and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood, it's part essay and part personal account of the pregnancy and birth of her first child.

It's a good read, if patchy. The first section, on pregnancy, is full of quasi-spiritual metaphors like,

"I had the sensation that my body had broken down and I was returning into molecules; that I had joined the universe in a new way."

The Birth section is much more packed with facts and figures, as Wolf ends up with an emergency Cesarean and an unsatisfying birth experience and seeks to find out why this sort of birth is on the increase for American women. While it may have been groundbreaking discourse in the States (though I doubt it), I was already well versed in all the arguments about the increasing medicalisation of the childbirth and how Cesarean rates are on the increase, that midwife attendant births result in less intervention etc. They are still important questions; however I do feel that they have been better addressed in the Australian hospital system (some readers may disagree).

The areas of the book I found resonate strongest with me are about the loss of power a woman experiences both in her relationship and in the workplace once she has children. Even though most male partners today want to be as supportive and involved as they can, the playing field is just not quite fair. Rarely are they willing to re-negotiate their work lives and "take a hit professionally", as Wolf puts it, in order to contribute more to childcare. When child care options are discussed, Wolf makes the salient point that it is always assumed the cost of childcare should be taken out of the woman's salary, thus it is often deemed "not worth it" for the woman to return to work.

Other subtle power shifts occur too. Women acutely feel that the responsibility of the child is ultimately theirs alone. Anything which threatens the security of the family unit is discouraged. Things women would have previously argued about in an equal relationship become suddenly not worth the fight.

'This generation of women thought it had a new, trustworthy bond with which to replace that archaic deal of pre-feminist marriage: flaming, erotic, friendly, egalitarian love. Many women were finding that the idealistic young women's love was not as reliable foundation to support the sweet, heavy weight of a baby in a new family as was the staunch old adhesive our grandmothers knew all about: submissiveness, tolerance, strategy - and a mother's yielding heart."

This is cutting right to the bone at the moment as The Nerd is planning overseas business trips this year while I have zero career options and we can’t afford to go on a holiday. I’ve never relied on anyone else’s income before so feeling guilty about buying a new pair of jeans just isn’t a feeling I’m used to.

I know it’s early days and I can take my time finding my feet (it’s only been seven weeks!) and eventually sorting out some freelance work. But just even seven weeks of dependency can feel like a whole new relationship.

I think I’ve sorted the mothercraft aspects of parenthood. Now I’ve got to learn how to re-define myself as a woman and a mother.

Misconceptions, indeed.

One month on

2007-04-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

Can I have my old life back, please?

Just joking. Although you have to wonder if there is any other job you'd sign up for which involves being vomited and shat upon, sleep deprivation and denial of liberty. Sounds like the interrogation process at Guantanamo Bay!

Every time I think I've got a routine or settling technique worked out, he throws me a curve ball. Thanks to all the commenters for sleep and settling techniques, It seems to be a matter of trial and error as well as consistency, something I'm rather bad at. It is remarkable how you quickly adapt to sleeping in 2/3 hour stretches. I've dragged out my coffee machine from under the bench and it's getting a workout.

In two weeks time I'll have my dreaded post-natal check-up and pap smear. I am looking forward to the stitches dissolving, I finally worked up the courage to take a peek and it's not that bad. That's all I'm going to say.

The good news is my cooking mojo has returned! During pregnancy I had no interest in food or cooking and everything I ate tasted slightly off. This week I've been whipping up haloumi and zucchini fritters, spanish omelettes with chorizo sausage*, casseroles ... you name it.

I've also booked tickets for my first night out without bubs, in May. I'm going to a concert and have to figure out whether to express or just work his feeds around it. I think it might be nice to express and have a few drinks. It can't hurt to get Finn used to taking expressed milk via a bottle either. I have a Medela hand breast pump and might give it a whirl this weekend.

This week I've been looking into childcare and the results are scary. Unavailable and hideously expensive seem to be the main buzzwords in my suburb. I need some serious home business ideas and fast. More on that later.

Here's my little bruiser on his one month birthday, about to punch mummy in the face. Aww.

*Bad idea - seemed to make baby very windy

3 weeks on: Motherhood. And I thought labour was hard work!

2007-04-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm still in shock and awe at the destruction my little 4kg calamity can wreak. So. Much. Washing. Between the leaky nappies that necessitate constant outfit/wrap/sheet changes, spew rags, nursing bras and my own mess I'm running at least a load a day. I can manage that, but finding the time to wash myself is a different matter.

This week Finn has gone from a fairly contented baby sleeping for at least 4 hours at a time, to a little hunger machine waking up every 3 hours for boob juice. Add changing and settling and that only leaves an hour at most (if he does get to sleep at all) to get anything done before the whole cycle starts again.

We had planned that I would be doing all the night duties from midnight to 7am so the Nerd can function at work, but he's been helping out anyway because I'm just too tired to get off the bed sometimes.

I think I managed the first two weeks on adrenalin, and the exhaustion is catching up with me now. I just keep telling myself that it WILL get easier and to treasure this time when they are so freaking cute and dependant. I mean really:

My heart thumps just looking at him.

Anyway, I have a million times more appreciation now for single mums and parents of twins and small children close together. I don't know how you manage. I have my own coping strategies (books and Sudoku to do while breastfeeding, chocolate, daytime TV, beer). No matter how hard i worked in my corporate life, I don't know if it was ever this challenging and unrelenting. It's not rocket surgery, it really is just the repititon that grinds me down, plus the feeling as a first time parent that I don't really know what I'm doing. I must be putting on an air of confidence, however, because the early Childhood Nurse said I seemed to be doing really well. Finn is gaining weight and making lots of wet nappies too so he seems to be just fine.

For new mums: here's a couple of things that have helped:
- Baby Love by Robin Barker. This book has been indispensable in reasuring us whenever we think something is wrong (lumps under the nipples, rashes, poo: it's all there!)
- Baby Bjorn carrier. Great for short walks or settling him in the house when I need my hands free. He usually falls asleep in it.
- 0000 clothes - I mainly have 000 and he's not quite big enough for them yet. I under-estimated how many outfits we'd go through.
- Lots of wraps: the muslin ones are a bit thin for this time of year so I reccommend thicker cotton waffle-weave wraps, they have a bit of stretch in them too. I have about 7 wraps and it's almost not enough!

Time for lunch, better make the most of this long nap.

Introducing Jack Owen

2007-03-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

Patchouligirl has given me permission to post up a gorgeous pic of her little boy Jack Owen. He was born last Sunday weighing 8lb 2oz, 51cm. He's still sporting a few battle scars from a forceps delivery but is otherwise perfect.

Congratulations to Patchouligirl and her partner!

Body after baby: no more cankles!

2007-03-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

For all you h8ers who doubted my naturally slim ankles, I finally have proof:

Mind you, it took a good week for the swelling to go down. Can you believe they actually became more swollen after the birth? I weighed myself on day 3 after baby and had only lost 3kg. Impossible considering Finn weighed 4 kg, right? I was retaining fluid like nobody's business.

By about day 6 they were so big I could hardly walk. The good news is they peaked, and then the flood started to recede. I dropped 10kg in a week and am only 4kg away from my pre-baby weight. I've got a feeling these extra lumpy bits are going to be a bit harder to shift.

My tummy is right down apart from this funny saggy pocket down near my pelvis. Stretch marks are still there, but perhaps slowly fading. I'm using Bio Oil when I remember. A great site for real after-birth bodies is http://theshapeofamother.com. Pregnant women may want to avoid it.

Now for the icky bit, I'm too scared to look at my tear. It seems to be healing fairly well but I just don't want to look until the stitches fall out. I'm so lame. In the hospital they said to buy an empty sauce bottle and fill it with water to clean the area after going to the toilet. I sent the Nerd out to buy one and he claims he couldn't find one, so bought a BBQ sauce bottle, emptied it and scrubbed it clean. Lucky I am not overly fond of BBQ sauce because I don't think I could ever go near it again. Grossness.

Anyway, I'll end with a pic of my little monkey child. Revolution, babies!

My birth story in glorious, gory detail.

2007-03-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

Here it is. Grab a cuppa (maybe skip the biscuit) and relax. It's long, it's detailed, but I need to get it out.

****************

On Sunday the 11^th of March I was one week overdue (or two weeks according to LMP) and very sick of being pregnant.

I’d had a stretch and sweep on the Thursday prior and was found to already be fully effaced and 1cm dilated.

Pre Labour

I had read about using castor oil to induce labour and thought I would experiment by taking a couple of tablespoons. Later that afternoon I had the expected upset stomach. By the evening I was having strong Braxton Hicks contractions which started increasing in frequency. At about 2am I called the birth centre, but they said the contractions didn’t sound strong or regular enough.

The contractions slowed over night, then started up stronger again on Monday. By 2pm they were every 5-7 minutes, so the hospital said to come in for a check up. I was booked into the birth centre, however it was closed due to staffing issues, so I was shown to one of the delivery suites. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor (very painful during contractions!) and monitored for about two hours. According to the midwife on duty they were still not strong enough. I was sent home with some Panadol and told to rest.

Driving home through peak-hour traffic was a nightmare, the contractions felt VERY strong to me, although the pain was all in my back.

At home I tried a hot bath, showers and more Panadol for pain relief. By about 2 am the contractions seemed stronger and closer together (3-5 mins) so I called the hospital again. They said I could come in, be checked again and be given something stronger for pain relief.

Upon being admitted, I was checked again and still only 1-2 cm dilated. They gave me some Pethidine, pulled out a mat for The Nerd to sleep on and told me to try to rest. The pethidine gave me the shakes, but did relax me, although the contractions were still painful. I don’t think I got any sleep and continued having ctx every 5-7 minutes for the rest of the evening.

Active Labour – 1^st stage

At 7am Tues morning I was examined again and found to have progressed to 3cm. Yay! This meant I could be transferred to the birth centre for an “active” labour. It may have been around this point that they established that the baby was probably in posterior position and mentioned that it might be a long labour.

I was really excited about the change in environment, the birth centre was much more comfortable with a double bed and huge spa bath. We quickly set up our music etc, filled the bath and I experimented with different positions. The bath was good for relaxing but not providing enough pain relief during contractions. The Nerd would put a hot shower hose on my back during contractions and that was great. I also got the mobile gas unit out and sucked down on that, it really helped once they turned the gas on!

At about 12pm I had another internal and I was 6-7cm dilated. Hooray! I was feeling really happy at my progress and excited that I might soon be meeting my baby. Stupid me! The midwife, J., suggested breaking my waters to speed things up but I wanted to wait.

My mum came in to help while The Nerd got some rest. They took turns holding the hot water nozzles in the shower, fetching me water and snacks etc. By late afternoon the contractions were stronger but further apart, and I was able to relax completely in between them. I was joking and laughing and realised that maybe this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Time for another internal. J. found that I hadn’t progressed at all. If anything, I was looking more like 6cm than 7. I started to panic a little. She explained to me that the baby was definitely posterior and was not turning. She could break my waters to speed things up, but the risk with that would be that he would be stuck in posterior position.

I asked what the options were. She said I could be transferred back to the delivery suite and given a Syntocin drip to speed things up. The birth could require a ventouse or forceps. If I failed to progress, I’d need a c-section. At this point I completely lost it. I had wanted a natural birth so much and tried so hard for one. I hadn’t slept for 2 days and was physically and mentally exhausted. Through hysterical sobbing I asked if I’d be able to have an epidural – she said straight away. I was panicking about the forceps and asked if I could just have an elective c-section. Very calmly, she explained that if I wanted to have a natural birth in the future I’d be much better off trying for one now. I asked her what she’d do (she was a mother of two). Her advice? Try the Syntocin and epidural.

Very scared and disappointed (but with amazing support from The Nerd and mum) we transferred to the delivery suite yet again. An epidural was scheduled for 6pm.

Mum decided to go home and left us by ourselves.

Active stage – intervention required

A young anesthetist with a nose ring and bright pink sneakers arrived to do my epidural. I had to curl my spine into a c shape while sitting on the edge of the bed. It was really hard to keep perfectly still while having contractions so I asked for the gas. She fiddled around for half an hour while banging on about her weekend plans but couldn’t find a space between my spinal bones. She kept sticking the canula in and asking if it felt like it was in the middle of my back but I couldn’t tell.

At this stage The Nerd was looking pale and shaky so the midwives made him leave the room and sit down for a while.

A new anesthetist came along and eventually managed to insert the epidural. It took over an hour all up. Once it kicked in I felt fantastic and was asking everyone why I hadn’t asked for one ten hours earlier! I was given a catheter and a Syntocin drip, had my waters broken and was told to sleep for a few hours. The midwife on duty explained that the baby would need to turn and descend for me to progress with a vaginal birth. I was given a 3 hour limit for this to happen. The Nerd went out and grabbed a pizza.

While half –asleep I tried to visualise my baby turning and moving down the birth canal. I couldn’t feel anything in my stomach but felt really connected to him somehow (it was probably the drugs…) I didn't seem to have any bad effects from the epidural except feeling very cold and having the shakes.

At about 9.30pm they examined me again and the midwife looked up with a smile on her face. “Your baby has turned and is sitting right at the top of the birth canal” she announced. “You can start pushing!”

She was finishing her shift and needed to report on my progress to the registrar on duty. I heard some talking in the corridor and it turned out my friend H. had just scrubbed in on duty. She is the sister of one of my best friends and a midwife. She asked if I would mind if she delivered my baby. Mind? I was ecstatic!

2^nd stage

H came in and gave me a big hug. I may have cried with happiness. She and The Nerd took a leg each and put it against their hips. She explained that I needed to push “like doing a big poo”. I started to push away – I was having problems drawing enough breath due to my exhaustion and also was having coughing fits. We persisted and he was moving down slowly. H mentioned that the doctors would be keeping track of my progress and if I couldn’t push him out within 2 hours they would want to intervene. This gave me incentive to push harder than ever and I kept bearing down. The Nerd could see his head with each push. H. Turned down the epidural so I could feel where I was supposed to be pushing and put her fingers on his head so I could feel that too.

The clock struck 10. We were making progress but not quickly enough. Two doctors barged in and started setting things up. One of them introduced himself to me and I thought I went to high school with him! Luckily not. They explained to me that the baby was in transverse (sideways) position coming down and it would be tough getting him out on my own. I started to panic again. The baby could be getting distressed (although he was monitoring fine) and they were going to try a ventouse. They stuck my feet against some paddles. I was told that the cup would be attached to his head and would guide him out with my pushes. If the cup came off twice they’d need to try the forceps.

I had another mini melt-down at this point – they were being quite rough with me and sticking bright lights in my face. I told them I’d had a bloody rough journey so far and to treat me a little more kindly. I don’t think they gave a shit, but it made me feel more in control.

The cup was attached and I gave a couple of big contractions. I felt him slide right down to the base of my vagina but then the cup flew off. A wave of panic flickered across the room. I thought to myself, I will NOT be having forceps! They attached the cup again and with another big push his head crowned. I really hated the feeling and was telling them to turn the epi back up! I should have been happy at this point but I still felt like something was going to go wrong.

The female doctor spoke to me and told me to listen carefully. I’d have to give one big push and then two small ones and then stop on her cue. I summoned up all my strength and energy and did as she said. Out came his head! They told me I could touch it but I was too freaked out at that point. One tiny push and the rest of him slid out – they threw him blue and screaming on top of my belly. He was huge! He’d just scraped in to be born at 7 past midnight on Wednesday morning.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do ... I cradled him and kissed his moist, wrinkly head. We checked that he was indeed a boy and indeed he was.

3^rd stage and recovery

I was given the injection to speed up delivery of the placenta. (this wasn’t on my birth plan but that had gone by the wayside a long time ago.) I have no recollection of the 3^rd stage but it was straightforward. The Nerd cut the cord (they weren’t able to let it pulsate naturally) and someone took him while Nerd helped get my gown off so we could have some skin-to-skin time. I held him up to my breast but he didn’t seem very interested. He ad a big red bruise and small abrasions from the ventouse but was otherwise a perfectly healthy chubba bubba.

I had incurred a 2^nd degree perineal tear during delivery so I needed stitches (I had done perineal massage during pregnancy to no bloody avail.) H. set about washing baby down as he had some meconium on him from the womb. The female doctor set about sewing me up, it was horrible, I could feel the sting of the needle and the pressure as it was threaded through my perineum. I asked the doctor if my vagina would ever be the same again. “Probably not”, she snapped back at me. Bitch.

The Nerd assisted H. in the bathing and weighing of bubs. He was indeed huge – 3.98 kg and a 37cm head! We spoke about the name but I wasn’t sure yet. I was just so numb and exhausted I was incapable of making any decision.

Once the doctors had left I held him again and we decided on the name Finn. A few minutes later the second name 'William' came to me and it turned out it's the name of the Nerd's grandfather. H. helped me into the shower and I scrubbed the blood off me although it continued to pool all over the floor. All cleaned up, H. explained that we would be transferred to the ward. I was so tired and exhausted but we weren’t able to stay overnight in the delivery suite, the birth centre was closed too. I was really disappointed as couples are allowed to spend 24 hours in the birth centre and share a comfy double bed.

We were ushered up to a dark, shared room in the ward. I was told that The Nerd had to leave and I was in shock – they expected me to care for the baby in my condition? With many tears The Nerd left. I don’t recall much that night – a kindly midwife took Finn away for a couple of hours at one point so I could sleep.

Finally, in the morning, I got to spend some peaceful hours with my baby. Slowly but surely, I started to fall in love with him.

Ten days on

Finn is sleeping a few feet away. We have finally mastered breastfeeding and developing a little routine. I just adore my beautiful, wriggly, hairy, alert little darling. Our scars are healing and the birth seems years ago. It was nothing like I imagined, but I don’t feel any regrets. I’m so proud of myself for enduring such a marathon labour with multiple complications, and avoiding a c-section.

One thing I am disappointed about is that I had concerns about a posterior labour in late pregnancy due to his position and they were completely dismissed by one of the birth centre midwives. If I'd known what the risks and options were maybe I wouldn't have been so freaked out when intervention was mentioned. Maybe my birth classes could have also spoken a little more about non-natural labours. I brought this up with J. who said that they don't like to worry people unnecessarily. Hmm. Anyway, it's all in the past now.

Now the real adventure of parenting begins. If you’ve read this far, congratulations!

Day 5: Chillin' like Bob Dylan

2007-03-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm such a photo tragic. Here is Finn just chillin' in daddy's hand- which he is very good at during the day. He's been asleep for over four hours now! I've managed to tidy the house, shower, eat lunch and go online.

A friend just dropped by with a big pile of homemade food and I almost cried of happiness.

Now that my milk is in the whole feeding/sleeping routine is going OK. The first few days were hell as he wasn't attaching to my nipples properly and I was having to let him suckle and then express into a teaspoon. Finally a kind midwife suggested I try nipple shields ("but don't tell anyone I put you on to them.") Instant success! I don't know why the breastfeeding police are so against them, and why midwives are so reluctant to share advice they've learned over the years because it's not official policy.

We had a terrible night on Day 3 where he just wouldn't settle and wanted to be on my boob non-stop. I was way too tired and he was getting worked up and frantic. Another nurse whispered that he might be a good candidate for a dummy, but once again "don't tell anyone". The dummy is great when he just won't settle, we take it out as soon as he falls asleep and don't put it in unless he is really fractious.

Now that he is feeding properly (both boobs, 20 mins each) he'll go about 2-4 hours in between feeds, sometimes sleeping for longer stretches during the day. He's alert times are during the night which is really hard. But hey, it's only day 5, I guess we just have to take it feed by feed and sleep by sleep at this stage.

One thing I've learned: don't buy any clothes with long sleeves or small necks. Changing a screaming, wriggling baby is torture! Sometimes it seems to help changing him in between boobs when he's all floppy and milk-drunk.

So things are going OK. The next challenge will be attempting to leave the safe cocoon of home, and dealing with all the night settling once the Nerd goes back to work in a week's time.

Once again thanks for all your suggestions and keep em' coming!

Welcome to the world baby Finn

2007-03-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

As you've now doubt read by now little Finn arrived safely last Wednesday morning after a marathon labour. We arrived home this morning and are trying to settle in and find our feet away from the fluorescent lights and foul hospital food.

I'm absolutely overwhelmed at all the kind thoughts everyone has sent our way, and thanks so much to Téa for keeping people updated. I did think about live blogging the birth but it's a little difficult to type and contract one's uterus at the same time.

I'm still delirious and exhausted and no doubt he's about to wake up and demand boobies so I'll jump on with more details when I can. All I can say is just look at him! It was all worth it.

FINALLY - this could be it

2007-03-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

It looks like the castor oil could have done something! Having contractions 4-8 mins apart, lasting 40-50 seconds, but the birth centre won't let me come in yet.

Unless you here from me in the morning I'll be in the hospy having baby hopefully. Contractions are all in my back and they hurt like fuck. Just have to keep reminding myself this is pain with a purpose.

UPDATE: 8 hours later I'm still here, the contractions slowed again overnight so I had a few hours sleep and am labouring again this morning. Aggh ...

Week 41: Close to the edge

2007-03-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

I'm a week overdue now. I was sure the 10th would be the day, but it's been and gone with no contractions. I don't understand - I've had all the symptoms of imminent labour: a "bloody show", period pain, backache, some painful cramps - but they're just not moving things along.

I feel absolutely dreadful - teary, exhausted, anxious and hopeless none of which is being helped by the fact that I'm barely sleeping anymore. These are all classic symptoms of depression but also not unusual for late pregnancy so I guess there's not much I can do but try to rest and relax. I tried drinking a glass of red wine last night but it just made me nauseous.

Oh to all my friends & family members - stop calling and texting me! I'll tell you when I've had the fucking baby! Asking me when I'm going to be induced is NOT helping. If you do want to call, just wish me luck and tell me you're thinking of me. I've also got the in-laws in town visiting, I think they want to stay until the baby arrives but were going to leave on Tuesday. Guess what - a watched pot doesn't boil. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not feeling too sociable right now.

So yeah. Sucks to be me. Going to try to get back to sleep, then heading out for a walk and to buy some castor oil. If that doesn't work, I'm booking an acupuncture appointment.

Did I mention I'm coming down with the flu? Life is a cunt.

Week 40 + 4: Get outta there already!

2007-03-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

Yup, I'm still here and baby is obviously very comfortable and not ready to move out of Hotel Mama just yet.

Having a stretch and sweep at the midwife clinic this morning to hopefully speed things along. (That means the middie will stick her hand up my vag and sweep her finger along the cervix to help ripen it or something).

By the way... we have decided on a name, but I'm not telling! (Yet...)

************

UPDATE: The internal went really well. I was already fully effaced and 1 cm dilated*! Which means all those little contractions I've been feeling for two weeks have actually paid off. My cervix was so thin she could touch the baby's head. Pleased to report I had a lovely new midwife today who had actually read my notes and was very patient, reassuring and professional.

The upshot of this is that my body is doing everything right and all signs point to labour beginning soon of its own accord, so I shouldn't need to be induced. Phew. Unfortunately I could still be days away, they just can't say.

* Fully effaced means that the cervix has shortened and thinned and is ready to start widening (dilating) during the first stage of labour.

Week 39 + 6 days: still here

2007-03-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

Well, after some exciting fake contractions last weekend I'm still here. Apologies for the faux excitement.

I am going out of my mind with boredom: most of my family and friends work full time, it's too hot to spend much time outside. The house has never been cleaner, I even cleaned the phone yesterday, then proudly showed the Nerd when he got home. I'm turning into a neurotic housewife. And I've only been officially off work for a week now. Help! I need some hobbies.

I'm officially due on Sunday so will seriously start the nipple stimulation, curry eating, walking etc then.

Meanwhile, check out this gorgeous baby shop. Yes, maybe a Strokes bodysuit is a bit much. But just think, if our kid is born with Hypertrichosis Disorder (Warewolf syndrome) we can always dress him in a Wolfmother T-shirt! And try telling me us gen-Xer parents don't want our kids wearing Pac-Man singlets.

Yes, I realise my baby is not a fashion accessory.

Last belly shot

2007-02-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

I'm going to miss my pregnant belly, stretch marks and all. Here is one final shot for posterity. We never got around to doing any "arty" shots, the last few weeks I've felt as sexy as a tractor.

You can see my prominent linea negra (latin for "black line"), horrible stretch marks (they sprung up a few weeks ago), and a little scar where my belly button ring used to be. Plus check out all those veins pumpling blood into the placenta! While it's all kind of gross, I'm pretty proud of my little life support system.

Now I'm about to email my boss and say I'm signing off work, the period pain is getting stronger.

Next I'm off to the beautician for a last-minute pedicure and facial, I've got gift vouchers to redeem.

Week 39: Pre-labour?

2007-02-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

I've got a feeling this little turkey is almost baked. I've been having a dull backache for most of last week, and last night it became a little more rhythmic and painful. I've got an upset tummy and my belly is having almost constant (painless) braxton hicks contractions. If this is pre-labour, I do hope it goes for days and not weeks.

Now back to the birth plan - who would have thought it would have been so controversial? My birth centre encourages us to have one. That said, we went to an info session there last week and it looks like pretty much everything I've requested is standard procedure anyway. If I do have to be transferred to the delivery suite because of complications, we're warned that our birth plan will have to go out the window. I'm cool with that - as I said in comments, it was more about the process of putting together the plan than actually having a hard set of rules to follow. Healthy baby is the ultimate outcome, not a transcendental birth experience. (Speaking of which, the midwife told us that one couple put rose petals in the birthing bathwater. Snigger!)

Time is moving pretty slowly these days. Work is winding up (you'd hope so at 39 weeks...) and I'm quite happy pottering around the house and nesting, which is the opposite of my usual claustrophobic, frenetic state.

We've been trying perineal massage when we can be arsed. I like patchouligirl's description:

Steve: time for your periwinkle stretch! I'll turn the light on.
Patch: cant you find it without the light?
Steve: yeah, but I've never had the chance to have such a good look before.
Patch: I feel like a possum caught in the headlights. Ouch!
Steve: I'm being as gentle as I can, I haven't got much room to work here ya know.

It took a while before we could figure out what bits needed stretching. The Nerd sits there with a look of fascination, horror and bemusement. I yell "stop" when the burning gets too severe, then ask how many cm he thought I'd stretched that time. We are only at 5-6 cm at the moment (I know someone who claims to have got to 10 - does it shrink back?)

Speaking of The Nerd, he's got a conference on for the next three days so wants me to keep my legs crossed until then. He even asked me last night, "If you start having contractions, do you want me to come home"? Well seeing as you are my only birth support person and my family and friends will all be at work, the answer is yes! I think he meant can I manage if it's just pre-labour. My theory is, when I am in lots of pain, please come when I call. As for when you know you're in labour, every single person has told me, "If you have to ask, it's not it!"

Thanks again for all your well wishes, I really appreciate the good vibes. Now do your work uterus, and push out this baby!

Week 38: OK, you can come out now

2007-02-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

I think I can say I'm ready for this baby. He's not due for another couple of weeks but I'm so hot, huge and over it that the thought of labour doesn't scare me: I'm just over being pregnant! I was reading a theory on Birth.com.au that you have to be psychologically ready to have the baby before it can come. I don't know how that works with premmies.

Stabbing pains

The last week or so I've been experiencing occasionally stabbing pains in my lower back and cervix. Apparently these are normal and it's just the pressure of the baby's head on my pelvis. I am slightly concerned that the baby is posterior, a concerned dismissed by my midwife who just told me that "we don't worry about that. Plenty of women give birth to posterior babies naturally". Well thanks lady, but I am worried about it. I know I can give birth vaginally anyway (my sister and I were both posterior) but if it's going to be a long and excruciating 'back' labour I'd like to be able to prepare myself mentally and physically, e.g trying some exercises to turn the baby.

I'm finding that I'm not getting very satisfactory answers to my questions from my current midwife. I even have to tell her what tests etc I've already had at each appointment, as my records seem to be disorganised, or perhaps she doesn't read them prior to my appointments. I guess I'm just lucky that I speak fluent English and am quite well researched: I can't imaging how a non-English speaking or even shy or very young person would cope. I'm starting to understand why many women prefer to pay a private OB or even a private midwife. Has anyone experienced the same frustrations in the public system?

Birth plan

I've put together an initial birth plan based on a template at birth.com.au (use their search tool). It's far too long at the moment so when the Nerd has a spare minute we'll go through it together and cut down the unnecessary bits. It's divided into notes for midwifes/caregivers and notes for The Nerd, who is still my only support person at this point.

Key points for caregivers

Please don't offer me drugs unless I ask for them (this is probably standard practice in the birth centre anyway)
Please don't break my waters unless medically indicated
We would like the option of my partner 'catching' the baby
Would rather risk a tear than an episiotomy
If assisted birth is necessary, I would prefer a ventouse over forceps
If I require a caesarean, I would like my partner to be there at all times, given a spinal over an epidural, and have the baby given to me or my partner ASAP
If the umbilical cord must be clamped due to caesarean, I would like to donate the cord blood. Otherwise, I would prefer to delay cord clamping until the cord has stopped pulsating.
I would prefer to avoid the syntocinon injection unless it is necessary due to excessive bleeding or delayed 3rd stage.
I would like to see the placenta afterwards (gross huh!)
Would like to have all weighing, measuring etc done after I've had time for skin to skin contact with the baby
If I can't be with the baby, I would like my partner to stay with the baby at all times
If I need stitching, please do it ASAP

Key points for partner

To offer me fluids or ice cubes to suck on to keep me hydrated.
To suggest and physically help me into different labour positions.
Walk with me if I need to do this.
Remind me to empty my bladder every 2 to 3 hours.
Breathe with me when I look lost.
Provide unconditional support even when I appear snappy, unresponsive or am yelling at you!
Remind me to relax between contractions ('body check').
Use key words/affirmations that we have worked out (let go, release, take the breath deeper, drop your jaw etc).
Communicate with the staff for me so I can focus on my labour, unless we need to make decisions about my care.
Not to allow visiting family or friends into the birth room unless I consent.
Not to accept any phone calls from family and friends, we will ring them.
Allow me to have the pain in labour, remember I have my endorphins, if you are uncomfortable try not to show it.
Stay calm.
If I ask for drugs, listen to me so we can talk about the decisions we need to make.

Is that exhaustive enough? I feel exhausted just writing it.

Hope bevo and patchouligirl are going well. Are you both in the final trimester now?

Week 37 - Only 21 days until this baby is cooked

2007-02-10T00:15:00.000-08:00

Man, I don't know where the last few weeks has gone. It's been a whirlwind of working, painting, shopping, baby shower-ing, planning etc.

The baby is now 3/5 engaged and according to my GP, could come anytime from now (although she thinks he'll stay in a while longer). This news sent me into a panic as I just feel totally unprepared. It is slowly coming together though, thanks me running around like a headless chook for a week now that I'm on maternity leave and am free during the day. I'm actually busier than ever: no Oprah for me! Where's the justice?

Hospital bags are half packed. Here is my list, stolen from Essential Baby and customised:

Paperwork
Ante Natal Card
Several copies of birth plan
Medicare Card/Details

Labour bag
Lip Balm - (lips can become dry and chafed during labour from heavy breathing)
Massage oils
Rescue Remedy (like that will make a difference!)
CDs
Nightie (I bought one which is like a big t-shirt)
Socks
Lollies or lollipops to suck on
Cooling face mist
Hand Mirror to watch the head crowning and baby being born
Face Washers to wet during labour
Panadol (for the Nerd)
Frozen juice poppers to suck on
Microwaveable heat pack
Charged mobile phone
Snacks for during and after labour
Camera with film and extra batteries
Wallet
Pen for filling out paperwork

Hospital bag
2 – 3 pairs pyjamas
Slippers
Bathrobe
2 – 3 nursing bras
1 box breast pads
8 x underwear - cheap bulk pack from Coles that I can chuck after use
2 packs maternity pads
Toiletries - toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, hairbrush, hair bands, make up, deodorant, liquid soap, moisturiser, Lanisoh (nipple cream), hairdryer
Make-up bag
Towel
Comfy day clothes
2 rolls SOFT toilet paper
Ural
Plastic bags for dirty clothes.
Tissues
Box of chocolates/card for midwifes.
Going home outfit & blanket/wrap for baby
(my hospital supplies nappies, clothes, toiletries etc for baby when in the hospital)

If anyone recommends anything else I've forgotten let me know!

Week 36 - Holy f&5* look at the size of my feet!

2007-02-04T20:33:00.000-08:00

You know how I was complaining about cankles a few weeks ago? Who knew they'd end up looking like this:

Look at my little piggy toes. And the complete lack of ankle.

Bloody hot weather.

Week 33 - Belly pics!

2007-01-17T04:39:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to taking a few more belly pics.

This one was on Xmas day (I'm looking a bit stuffed from all the turkey etc)

And this one was yesterday

Do you think I've dropped?

Week 33: do I hire a doula?

2007-01-15T02:05:00.000-08:00

During most of my pregnancy The Nerd and I both agreed that he would be my only birth support person during labour. However, after going to birth classes, he 's discovered that this is a pretty big responsibility. Constant physical and emotional support for up to 16 hours (not counting pre-labour) is a big ask.

So, I am considering a doula. ( The word, "doula," comes from the Greek word for the most important female slave or servant in an ancient Greek household, the woman who probably helped the lady of the house through her childbearing.) I don't know anyone so I'd have to hire someone.

I could ask my mum, but she's not great in stressful situations. Plus my sister might get offended if I invite my mum but not her, but my sis is the last person I'd want at my birth. She found the pics in my active birth book disgusting and distressing and knows nothing about labour, so ... no. Few of my best friends have had babies themselves, and the ones that have are busy looking after said bubs.

It seems like such a modern thing to do, to have to hire someone to be at your birth, when not long ago women used to support each other through labour all the time. According to some studies, having a doula present at the birth is said to provide the following benefits*:

• 50% reduction on caesarian rate
• 50% reduction in repeat caesarian if attemption VBAC
• 20% shorter labour
• 60% reduction in the need for epidurals
• 40% reduction in forcep use
• 40% reduction in Syntocinon use (induction)
• 30% reduction in analgesia use (narcotics)
• Significantly higher rates of natural vaginal delivery

Even allowing for some exaggeration they are pretty good stats. I'm thinking it would be great to have someone positive and encouraging to be there, fetch ice chips, help me breath etc so The Nerd can concentrate on holding my hand and providing emotional support.

What do you think? Anyone know any good doulas in Sydney?

*The Doula Book by Marshall H. Klause, John H. Kennell and Phyllis H. Klaus and The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte

Week 32: beanbags and birth videos

2007-01-08T03:26:00.000-08:00

Before I get into my birth classes, I just wanted to share evidence that this little alien bub of mine is a GENIUS CHILD (like his folks, naturellment). Baby turned upside down last week, right when he was meant to. There were some major, visible contortions going on inside my belly early last week, so I suspected something big was going on, and asked my midwife to check. She's pretty sure his bum is now up above my belly button: a 18o degree turn from the previous week. I'm so happy he's not breech. Now I just have to stop him from turning posterior and needing a vacuum extraction, ouch.

Anyway, we've been going to birth classes at the hospital for three weeks. Sitting in a lecture room, on bean bags, talking about our feelings with complete strangers. As these are "active" birth classes, designed specifically for birth in the birth centre, we have to wear loose clothing and massage each other and stuff. It's all a bit smelly and unhygienic really. Would I recommend them? They are great for support partners (husbands, aunts, friends, we have all types). I found that I'd already read most of the material covered whereas the Nerd was like "There are different stages of labour??" Here's what we've covered so far:

Week 1 - Introductions, pregnancy complaints, drug options for birth
A fair bit of talking about our pregnancies so far, from an emotional and physical POV. Discussion about what actually happens during labour, with demonstrations using a knitted uterus, stuffed felt placenta and baby doll. An overview of the medical pain-relief options available, and their side effects. Pethidine sounds dreadful, esp. if you are prone to hallucinations, like moi.

Week 2 - Pre-labour, 1st stage labour, massage
We spent a substantial amount of time learning about the difference between pre-labour and 'real' labour, with the direction that we should not be going anywhere near the hospital until contractions are frequent and regular. Birth teacher assures us that the chances of our waters breaking in a shopping centre are extremely minimal. Support partners were taught how to massage our lower backs and how to strategically place shower jets for optimum pain relief during labour. The favourite part of the night? Partners are taught how to give us ladeez a proper foot massage with oils, and are instructed to practice said massage every night until we go into labour. Hooray!

Week 3 - 2nd & 3rd stages of labour, breastfeeding
Another floor class, we had to practice a few active birth poses like squatting, kneeling etc. Watched some natural birth videos featuring absolutely horrendous 80s fashion and 70s hairy minge. At one point I couldn't help but exclaim loudly, "what the FUCK is she wearing", causing the Nerd to shush me rather aggressively. The birth videos were relatively gentle and some were quite beautiful. Made me even more determined to try to birth in the birthing pool, if possible. Minimal amount of time spent on breastfeeding, we're encouraged to go to a free seminar instead.

The next two weeks will focus on baby care. It's been a lot to take in and I probably wouldn't recommend the night classes to anyone who works full time. 3 hours, no break, 6.30-9.30pm is a hard slog. Do a weekend course. Oh, and don't turn up stoned and make incoherent jokes all night, like one dickhead partner. "When do they start eating steak and eggs? He he." Fuckwit.

Must take a new picture of my belly, I think it's much bigger and lower. Not right now 'cause I'm wearing ill fitting, stained pyjamas.

Week 31 - Cankles!

2007-01-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

It's official, I have lost my ankles. Massaging, swimming and keeping my feet elevated help a little but I think they are stuck like this for the next 10 weeks. Anyone have any other remedies? Ugh. Fat feet.

Week 30: Swimming, eating, laying about

2006-12-28T03:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. What with Xmas, stuffing myself with turkey and Lindt chocolate, reading Vanity Fair... I've been busy OK!

Tests! Had my diabetes and blood count tests just before Xmas, the good news is I don't have gestational diabetes. The bad news is my iron levels have dropped quite dramatically since early pregnancy so I need to increase my red meat intake or take more vile pills (I already take a pregnancy multi, fish oil tablets and calcium/magnesium). It is true I've gone off red meat of late, in fact my diet has gone to shit again 'cause I'm too tired to cook properly at night. Baby is well and measuring right on target.

Presents! The Nerd gave me the most wonderful maternity swimsuit for Christmas. Sure, I may have bought it at Fillyboo, had it gift-wrapped and left it under the tree, but it was from him. Kind of.

It's by Amoralia and is seriously so comfortable and flattering and totally worth $120 if you swim quite a bit. I tried on about a hundred regular bikinis/tankinis/one-pieces at Target and they all looked foul.

(BTW that is NOT me ... I wish!)

Classes! We've also started going to birth classes at the hospital which are totally hilarious and require a whole post of their own (working on it). A teaser: our teacher has a knitted uterus and one of the dads has turned up to every class completely stoned.

Ikea! Not much else is going on right now. Bubs is kicking me non-stop and we're slowly getting his nursery finished. Pulled up the carpet today, now we just need to finish painting the window/floor trim and start decorating. I'm off to IKEA tomorrow to buy this, these, and maybe this.

Only 22 days of work left until maternity leave.

Week 28 - Last trimester

2006-12-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

Today I'm 28 weeks pregnant and officially in my last trimester! Thank fuck because I'm thoroughly over it.

Heartburn! Nosebleeds! Aching feet! Aching back! Wriggly baby! I've got them all. It's no fun anymore - I just want to meet my little one.

I think he's been having a growth spurt because I put on another 2 kg last week. At first I thought it was a little extra padding from my birthday feast and I'd go back down after that. But no, I've put on 8.3 kg now and I don't think it's all on my bump. Tried on swimsuits today and almost cried. Those fluorescent change rooms are EVIL! I think I need some maternity board shorts and maybe a bikini top, so I think I'll need to go to a proper maternity store. I don't really like board shorts but my bikini line is now invisible below my bump, the cellulite is out of control and I need some major camouflage wear.

The latest book I'm reading is The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove. She is Gwyneth Paltrow's maternity nurse. It's all very English, she says that breastfeeding mums needs lots of tea and chocolate cake, and is a firm espouser of mittens. She is from the schedule/controlled crying side of baby-rearing, although her approach is more flexible and gentle than that of Tizzy Hall. My mum took one look at one of Waddilove's proposed schedules and said "good luck".

Do any of you follow a schedule with your babies? i.e four hourly-feeds, feed/play/sleep routines etc? I think for working parents it makes sense if you want to have some semblance of a life. I think I'll try it out. The book does have some odd meal suggestions for 1 year olds (quiches and sausage rolls) and there is a Christian chapter, but for no-nonsense advice about getting the baby home from hospital and establishing a routine I think it's pretty good. I'm sure I'll have a stronger opinion in three months time.

Here is a pic of my lovely Szabo birthday dress:

And another showing my bump:

Hope all the other expecting mums are doing well. Belated congrats to Caz and The Hack on the birth of little Stefferwynn.

Week 26 - Getting biiiig

2006-11-27T03:24:00.000-08:00

I have to post a new pic of my belly soon. It's massive, total basketball size. Bubs must have been having a growth spurt the last few weeks as I've now put on 7kg. Eek! 10 kg was my goal but with 14 weeks to go I don't think that's going to be the case. Bending over is become difficult and lying listless on the couch is increasingly enticing. Baby did one of those Alien moves on me the other night, my whole stomach was rippling. Of course he stopped as soon as we fetched the video camera, cheeky bugger.

****************

Had my monthly midwife check-up last week and I'm still Ms. Average - yay! It was all very casual, just a quick blood pressure check, a feel of my tummy and sayonara. You know, I wouldn't mind a bit more personal attention, hysterical first-time mother that I am. Is that what people pay obstetricians for? In two weeks' time I get the scary tests: gestational diabetes, full blood count and an anti-d shot, as I am a negative blood group and the baby could poison me. WTF!

*****************

I was chatting to a midwife friend (H) on the weekend and it was a good chance to grill her for a few objective opinions. She agrees with me that if baby looks like it is going to be over 4.3 kg, go the c-section. She also recommended pethidine, just to take the edge off. She has so many sad and bizarre birth stories, I only let her tell me the funny ones. She had one woman transferred from the birth centre to the delivery suite as the baby was in distress and its heart rate was dropping rapidly. The woman and her support partner had erected huge bamboo screens around the bed, "Tibetan fertility scrolls" to send loving goddess energies to her vagina, or something. They kept refusing intervention to the point where H. had to basically tell her that her baby could die if they didn't get it out soon, forceps not withstanding. "But we're birth centre, we don't do that!" they protested.

Eventually a doctor delivered a healthy baby with the help of ventouse vacuum extraction (ouch). The mother's response? "I can't believe you were down there in my vagina when I don't even know your star sign!"

Jesus.

*****************

I am loving this year's summer fashions: hooray for empire-line sack dresses! Bought a gorgeous coral cotton dress from Witchery last week which fits great, non maternity and size 12, natch. Wore it to an engagement party on Saturday with a black cotton lace bolero jacket (to hide the maternity bra straps) and some wedge heels. Also purchased some semi-dressy gold thongs on sale to do the party season thing sans heels.

30th birthday on the weekend. The Nerd is making margaritas just to taunt me.

Breasfeeding woman kicked off plane

2006-11-17T04:31:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to post this - a woman in the US was kicked off a plane for breastfeeding her daughter and refusing to cover up with a blanket.

... in the same country where you can buy a gun in a grocery store.

Unbelievable.

Week 24: pregnancy is boring

2006-11-14T04:03:00.000-08:00

Sleep, eat, kick, waddle, pop a Mylanta.

I swear I am having the world's most boring pregnancy (I know, I should consider myself lucky).

Tonight the Nerd and I were trying to feel which way the baby is laying by poking my tummy. I think I may have found an arm.

I've also been scaring myself shitless reading about fourth-degree tears and fecal incontinence. Trust me, you don't want to know. I was so pro-vaginal birth a few months ago, now I'm thinking, if its a 9 or 10 pound baby an elective ceaser seems like the only sensible thing to do. Eek, it really is only just starting to hit me that I'll be pushing a baby out of my vagina in 16 weeks time.

I did manage to buy a dress for my upcoming 30th birthday, it kind of looks like this except floral and long (below the knee):

The built in boob tube is fab and very supportive - no bra required. The brand is Szabo, you can see more of their dresses at Essential Baby.

I've definitely outgrown most of my non-maternity wear now. Picked up some good basic 3/4 black work pants from Big W for $20! Which offsets the $190 I spent on a dress and top at Just Maternity ... right? Baby will have to wear old towels torn into nappies so long as mummy looks good while pregnant. Bless.

Week 23: Return of the crazy hormones

2006-11-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago I was feeling like a serene, pregnant goddess, this week I've been an hysterical raving harpie.

The Nerd is dealing with it as best he can - cooking dinner, hugs, staying out of the way. Each time I lose it over a really minor thing "You put MUSHROOMS in the pasta sauce?" etc I feel incredibly guilty. It's a fucking rollercoaster alright.

Work is not helping, it's usually pretty busy but we just launched a big project which has had a few technical hitches and has required me to deal with the developers who don't speak English that well, while I don't speak database that well. I spent the first 10 minutes of yoga class today crying because no-one had answered an email before I went to lunch. So pathetic.

Every pregnant woman should be given their own isolation room armed with tissues, stress balls (for throwing) chocolate and Greys Anatomy. Yeah, it's a cliche but an accurate one.

Week 22 - The devil wears Supre

2006-10-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm almost breaking anonymity here to bring you two shots of my belly, wearing my fave maternity outfit.

Supre dress + Supre top + SES leggings + French Connection silver ballet shoes + Sussan headscarf.

I don't know why my belly is so big tonight, it goes up and down like a balloon. I feel so bad for hating on Katie Holmes and her supposedly fake baby bump. OK not really.

Week 22 - Eek! Leaking boobs

2006-10-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

So there I was on Saturday morning, reading the paper and sipping a coffee, when I felt something wet on my gown. Turns out my left nipple was leaking some sort of clear fluid (apparently this is colustrum). It stopped straight away and hasn't happenned since - phew. I don't want to start wearing breast pads just yet.

The Nerd thinks all these changes are exciting and beautiful, while I feel like a fat, leaking bovine. Le sigh.

The nursery is now painted and a cot installed, although the room is still piled up with crap. On throw out night I found a cute white wooden chair and a ride-on Winnie the Pooh cart thing in the street, which I quickly pilfered. Is it bad that I am picking up toys for my child from the side of the road? I guess I'll disinfect them and stuff. We've also amassed way more clothes already than I know what to do with. I've bought a few cute things and so has my mum, and then a friend dropped by yesterday with three bags full of clothes (some unworn) and bunny rugs etc. I'm going to have to buy a chest of drawers just to store it all.

22 week GP appointment tomorrow, everything seems to be moving along well. I've got plenty of energy, bubs is still kicking up a storm, and I seem to have gained my tastebuds back and can actually cook again. The second trimester roXors.

Week 21: Check this out. Freaky!

2006-10-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

Commentor Me alerted us to a video on YouTube showing a moving, pregnant belly. It looks like Alien come to life. Will that be me in 4 months time? Bubs is already quite a wriggler.

Week 20 - The things they don't tell you

2006-10-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

- 'Morning sickness' can actually strike any time during the day or night. Boiled ginger tea might help, or if it's really bad they can give you drugs for it.

- Throughout the first trimester, you'll get period-like pains that will have you diagnosing yourself with an ectopic pregnancy. They are completely normal and just a sign that your uterus is growing.

- Your boobs will grow, and grow, and grow throughout the pregnancy, you'll spend half your shopping budget on bras. Your nipples will widen and darken, and the veins on your swollen, unattractive bosom will start to resemble the Nile river system. Don't get lace bras. They will make you itchy.

- The synthetic iron in pregnancy supplements might make you constipated. You may have to try a few to find one that works.

- Your bodily mucus output will increase and increase: this means a permanent sniffle and wet knickers (MOIST!!)

- You're meant to sleep on your left side, but this can be really uncomfortable. Sleeping with a pillow in front of you or between your knees can help

- You'll go through a period in mid-pregnancy where you're normal clothes are too small but maternity clothes are too big.

- You may get heartburn before OR after meals. Chewing Rennie or Mylanta tablets seems to help

- You'll lose your ability to string a basic sentence together or remember every day words like 'toaster' or 'window'. This is called placenta brain.

- Don't stress out too much about listeria. The risk in Australia is very, very low.

- People you barely know will feel qualified to interrogate you about your pregnancy and upcoming birth. Tell them to rack off.

Bad baby names of the week

Alyvea
Charlee
Cierra (pronounced with S)
Danielah
Ezaria
Jazmin
Jessikah
Maddielyn
Saphron
Zaq

19 weeks: is that a willy I see?

2006-10-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

Well kids, it's a boy!

Had my scan this morning and even though the little rascal was lying curled up in a ball with its spine outwards, the sonographer eventually found and pointed out the little boy bits.

I was so convinced of this all along, but I still burst into tears (of happiness).

All his measurements look good, the placenta is in the right place and I have plenty of amniotic fluid. They have revised my dates out AGAIN, so I'm now due on the 2nd of March. Jesus, it feels like I'm going to be pregnant forever.

Week 18 - midwife visit

2006-09-28T02:54:00.000-07:00

Today I bailed from work early so I could go for my first appointment with the RHW birth centre midwives. After spending an hour on buses and foot (fucking Sydney public transport) I was only in there for 15 minutes. Midwife was lovely though. I swear I am having the worlds most boring pregnancy. Everything is measuring on target and bub's heartbeat was strong. I've been warned that it's a very active bub, I think it was doing backflips today!

On the way I found a copy of Sheila Kitzinger's Pregnancy and Childbirth book for only $5 at Vinnies. It has some great full-colour shots of babies coming out of hairy 70's minge. The reason I bought it though is that it also has lots of labour posture diagrams and stuff. I don't care if I'm stupid and idealistic, but I want to prepare for a natural birth as best I can.

Week 18 - jump aboard the baby wagon!

2006-09-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

There must be something in the water. It seems the ladies of TSSH are getting pregnant at unprecedented rates, it has even been suggested that female readers who do not wish to conceive wear foil undies or other such protective undergarments. I'm not sure if it's part of Caz's evil plan to populate the world with snarky minions, but in any case, watch out: YOU MIGHT BE NEXT.

And so I welcome to Sperminated, Bevo and Patchouligirl. Hopefully this can be a place where we can ask each other all kinds of dumb questions. Tealou has also set up the MILF forums (which sadly I've been a little to busy to spend much time on) but it's a cool place to chat with other mums.

My latest fun pregnancy symptom is heartburn. This can take the form of slight discomfort in my chest to full on, agonising pain in my throat to the point where I'm having trouble breathing when sitting down. Mylanta tablets ease the pain after a few minutes, but the best bet seems to be to avoid bubbly drinks (no more light beer shandies) and big meals. Which is a bummer as my appetite is back and I'm HUNGRY. God, if I was Britney and had nothing better to do than drive through the drive-thru at Taco Bell, I would. Working distracts me from eating everything in sight.

Tomorrow I have my first meeting with the Birth Centre midwives and then next week we have the bestest scan where they can tell you the sex. Exciting times, kids. I'm also getting a few strange movements that I think might be kicks, but only occasionally.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but I want to keep a record, so here is a pic of my belly @ 18 weeks. Featuring my most excellent (if not overly stylish) maternity jeans.

Oh! forgot to add that I have started prenatal yoga classes. The poses are designed to give your baby more room and to prepare the body for birth (widening the pelvis, etc). The class seems really gentle, but the morning after the first one I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I must have been pretty out of shape. The only shit thing about the class is that there's no real relaxation as preggie women aren't supposed to lie on their backs. Spewing.

Week 15: The fail-safe pregnancy fashion guide

2006-09-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

It all comes down to leggings.

Yup, I've bought a $10 pair of black leggings from a bargain clothes store and they have been indispensable for the last few weeks.

I'm not talking this kind of look:

(the horror!)

Just a regular jersey dress or skirt paired with black leggings and a cute pair of flats.

Pants are more difficult. I've bought a great pair of maternity jeans by Ninth Month, which are very similar to Yim Jeans (i.e they looks like normal jeans) but less than half the price. Yay for bargains.

I have one pair of basic black maternity work pants from Target which have a deep 'v' cut into the front and a lot of stretch in the material. So far they just sort of slide down and expose my tummy.

Many chicks seem to be fond of the Belly Belt but I think they are kind of ugly, I wouldn't like the feeling of my fly being undone all day either.

In non-fashion news, I'm still being a hormonal wench but the nausea seems to have gone. Dinners are still an issue, I practically have to be forcefed, but the chicken and fish fatwa seems to have been lifted.

I've also been given a lovely moses basket on a stand by a friend, she's also throwing in an old-school mesh bouncer and a million newborn clothes - boys and girls. And she doesn't even want any money! Having children is all about the hand-me-downs.

Yesterday I had yet another check-up at the GP and heard baby's heartbeat for the first time. Awww. The little blob is almost 15cm long now but I still can't feel it. Sometimes it freaks me out to think I have a little succubus silently feeding on me all day. Some call it cute. Baby looks like this now, more like a human and less like an alien.

Yes, yes, you'd think I'm the first woman in the world to grow a baby. 'Till next time folks.

Week 12 - I see you, baby

2006-08-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday we saw our little alien bub for the first time. The Nerd and I had expected to see a couple of random blobs on the ultrasound screen, instead we saw a real, live kicking baby, bouncing around inside my belly! I was laughing with the shock of it all, which didn't please the ultrasound operator too much as she couldn't get a still image. Bouncing baby looked a lot like this. The Nerd is convinced he/she is a future socceroo, but I'm yet to feel any kicks. Maybe he'll be a goalkeeper.

Before the scan I had to skull a litre of water and it was painful! I've always claimed to have the smallest bladder in Sydney and sure enough the operator sent me out to empty myself as there was too much fluid to get a clear picture. Then, bubs was being un-cooperative despite my pokes so our photos aren't that great. Lucky we didn't order the DVD - we'll save that for the 20 week scan and then bore all our friends and relatives with a 15minute movie of my stomach contents.

As the scan was a test for Nuchal Translucency, an indicator for Down Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities, measurements from the scan had to be combined with results of a blood test to provide a statistical likelihood of abnormality. The wait while they calculated the results was nerve-wracking to say the least. When the doctor called us in for the results, he ushered is into a small counselling room, complete with tissues on the table. I was about to burst into tears ("Why are they giving us tissues!") but he quickly told us that the results were great and our risk of chromosomal abnormalities is about 1:7650. Phew. However, the ultrasound also indicated that I was a little earlier along than previously thought, I'm only about 12.6 weeks instead of 13.5, which pushes the due date out to at least Feb 27. Lucky it's not a leap year!

After that I had my first meeting with the hospital midwives who asked me all the usual questions as well as if my partner beats me or if I had a bad relationship with my mother as a child. Heavy! Apparently they try to get social services to intervene early these days if mother and child are deemed "at risk".

By the time I got to work that afternoon I felt wonderful, so happy to have my pregnancy "confirmed" (no, the lack of a period for 3 months was not evidence enough!") and to know that in all likelihood my baby was safe and well.

Since then my stomach has popped out, I seem to have developed the permanent sniffles and the nausea has returned. No! I thought I was cruising on easy street from here on in: my body had other ideas.

On the nesting front, we have bought a pram already (Target sale) and had fun setting that up on the weekend and wheeling this around:

Isn't it the best present ever? I'm also spending far too much time on eBay trying to procure some bargain baby furniture. As if you'd spend thousands of dollars on something they use for a year or two.

Looking forward to feeling the first kicks in the next couple of weeks.

Bad baby names of the week

Mackala
Nayanna
Anjanka
Jemaykah
Reiner
Taisiya Chevelle
Velvet
Brienna
Jaxon
Tykoda
Sebastyan
Heavynne.

Week 11: First trimester fun

2006-08-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted. In that time my baby has grown an anus. And teeth. How cute!

I've been hella busy starting a new job, finishing some outstanding freelance work and the usual shopping/renovating/lying around eating popcorn. Unfortunately the nausea is still ever-present in the evenings and my diet is still shit. So much for an organic pregnancy. Is cake its own food group?

I had a minor scare last week when my symptoms went away for a couple of days but I think my body was just freaked out at having to regain a normal working schedule. Now I'm doing a lot more walking on my way to work and I've dropped another kilo. Hooray! Except I'm sure I'll make that up when I can eat again.

People are starting to comment on the size of my boobs. I could gove Jordan a run for her money... when my milk comes in I'm going to need some concrete reinforcement to keep these babies reigned in. I'm reluctant to go and buy more ugly soft cup mega-bras but I think I need to. Speaking of shopping I've bought a really cute cot set and a pram on layby. I REFUSE to succumb to pram envy and spend $1600 on a Bugaboo. Mine is a Childcare stroller which passes all the Choice tests, has a reversible handle, big wheels and a big shopping basket. It's fine. And as The Nerd pointed out, we can spend the difference on a flat-screen TV. Suckers.

A week or two ago (shut up, I have pregnancy brain) we had a tour of the Royal Women's Hospital in Randwick. It definitely made it all seem much more real. I'm so glad I chose the birth centre, it's set up beautifully with a double bed and massive spa and is so much less confronting than the delivery suites, but still only a few steps away from all that vital medical equipment should something go wrong.

Next week I get to have my Nuchal Translucency scan too! Feels like I've been waiting forever. Will keep you updated and hopefully post an ultrasound pic.

Week 8: Pass the bucket

2006-07-15T00:07:00.000-07:00

Remember how I thought I'd magically escaped morning sickness? Well last week it found me.

I've lost all interest in cooking and my diet now consists of bread, vegemite, apple juice and stewed ginger tea. Just the mention of the words 'cheese' or 'eggs' makes me want to hurl. The nausea comes in waves from morning to night. The Nerd has been extra sweet at chopping up ginger and fetching drinks while I lie around moaning on the couch, and tolerating the bland meals I've been throwing together.

Today I had yum cha with some friends. The poor boys had to fight for their dumplings with three pregnant chickas armed with hungry bellies and chopsticks. For some reason I seem to be able to stomach Chinese food - yay! One girl brought along her gorgeous 1 year old daughter, who is the epitome of well behaved, intelligent cuteness. She does baby sign language, she munches on green veges like lollies and knows where birds live. She can't even walk yet!

I fear when our kids play together it will be like that scene from Parenthood where Rick Moranis' kid speaks Italian and learns karate while Steve Martin's kid runs around with a bucket on its head. Mine will be the bucket child.

Week 7: Chinese tea and lychee water

2006-07-08T06:17:00.000-07:00

My rapidly-expanding alien is now the size of a coffee bean. The last few days I've finally felt pregnant, I think the hormones were taking a while to sink in. I've made an appointment for my 12 week ante-natal visit which seems like an eternity away.

My last day at work was last Wednesday, which means until I find new employment I have endless hours to obsessively research baby products and whinge that everything is so much cheaper in America. Take my latest find, the Moses basket. $40 US or $200 Australian. Thank god for Amazon. (Obviously, I find the ones with the frills icky. I'm a plain white or ecru kind of girl).

Instead of morning sickness, I'm getting spend-a-sickness. I was feeling bloated yesterday so went and bought some maternity pants and a giant pair of pyjamas. Fucking Elevit tablets and all the synthetic iron are making me extremely constipated (sorry, gross). They're so expensive anyway, I might be better off with just taking plain folate tablets. I eat a fair amount of red meat as it is.

Then I went nuts in the supermarket, picking up bizarre items like Bear biscuits with hundreds and thousands and chocolate cake mix. Luckily the Nerd was there to see me safely to the checkout. He did relent on the Soyaroni, since I've been craving it all week. I haven't eaten it in years, tres bizarre.

I'm pleased to report that I haven't become a total couch potato yet, last night we went out to a surprise birthday dinner and karoke night and I was singing and dancing until 2am! Although I could only dance for a few minutes at a time before my boobs started hurting, seriously, they are waking me up at night. Agony. Of course my friends are loving that they now have a permanent designated driver. I'm just happy that I'm not craving alcohol (I got by on Chinese tea and lychee water) and that I now have an excuse to eat more than my fair share of dumplings. No-one argues with a pregnant chick.

I told a few more people about the pregnancy last night. Of course EVERYONE has opinions, even people who've never had kids either*. Luckily there was one mum there and she just rolled her eyes in sympathy. I have another well-meaning friend who keeps emailing me stories about Down Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. Uh, thanks?

The Nerd seems to be quite affected by the pregnancy at the moment, not least when I had a bad dream the other night and started randomly punching his kidneys. He woke up screaming. Oops! When they told me I'd have vivid dreams I didn't think I'd turn violent.

'Till next week, kiddies.

* Comments and suggestions by actual mothers are quite welcome

Week 6: Up the Duff

2006-06-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday I met with my new GP to confirm the pregnancy. All he did was ask me when my last period was, check my blood pressure and tell me that I was more than likely pregnant. No shit, sherlock!

He also spun a little wheel and told me I'm due on Feb 24, 2007. Aggh! I'm going to be a whale at the height of summer.

Then I went to see the nurse and have four large vials of blood pulled out of me, to check for syphilis, AIDS and all the fun stuff. I went back to get the results today and guess what - I don't have AIDS or syphilis. Phew. My rubella antibody levels are still high and my pregnancy hormone levels (HCG)are right on target - 1200.

So, although I still don't have any morning sickness, I'm properly up the duff. Right now my little alien fetus looks like this. The Nerd said he's buy me my own ultrasound machine. Just like TomKat.

My boobs are still hella sore so yesterday I took a 3 hour lunch break (everyone else was at the pub) and headed to Myer to buy a new bra - 16DD - and some tops to cover my muffin top. I've only put on 1 kg so far, which is all in boob I'd say. I walked out with two tops, a necklace, a sparkly bag, a bra and two pairs of knickers. Oh, and some Hoola bronzer from Benefit to give me the 'glow'.

Unemployed and pregnant: great time to be dropping $150 in a single shopping session.

I also haven't been very good at keeping quiet about the sprog. So far I've told most of my good friends, while the Nerd has only told family. I can't help it. I've told everyone to keep quiet but my friends are as hopeless as I am.

Yesterday I had a sip of wine to test that it wouldn't taste good anymore (my brain works in mysterious ways). It did taste pretty off, but it was a cheap, lukewarm Sav Blanc at the company meeting. If anything my cravings for coffee have only increased. I'm coping - just - with 1 week instant coffee and 1 green tea a day. It sucks pouring big glasses of milk while the Nerd is sitting there with a large glass of Boags.

Next step is to ring the hospital and set up my first ante-natal visit. My doc says I won't need an ultrasound until 18 weeks as I'm relatively young and healthy but I'd like the nuchal translucency screening to test for Down's Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities.

Fingers crossed I remain nausea-free, at least until next week.

Week 5: Two lines good

2006-06-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

The tyranny of the two-week wait is finally over. After 6 months, 180 folate tablets, 20 pregnancy tests and a bucket of foul-smelling Chinese herbs, I am properly up the duff.

I've been suspecting so for a week, but went through two negative tests last week and a couple of faint/inconclusive ones over the weekend before tonight's positive result.

Two lines, bang up, no waiting. No holding the test up to a window and squinting at the 'trace' shadow line and pretending that maybe it could be a little bit pink.

I called the Nerd in to confirm and then we jumped around the bathroom until he told me to stop, so I wouldn't break it (the baby).

Then I called my mum (instant tears) and my sister in England (more tears). Aww.
I want to call all my friends but I guess first I should go and have a proper test at the Doctors.

How do I feel?

Physically, my boobs are sore and I have weird twingy/crampy light pains around my pelvis. Emotionally I don't feel any different yet. I've been waiting for so long that I've only got practical things running through my head: how am I going to get a job while preggers, what colour will I paint the spare room, that kind of thing.

I feel a little guilty I've been lightly drinking since conception (hey, a glass of red at night isn't that bad - right?) I can kiss that goodbye.

So what next? I guess I better go to a doctor, or something. See you next week.